Because I've committed to blogging daily, you're sure to catch me on a down day - and more than once. Today is one of those. Again. You see, divorce isn't all bubble-gum and roses. (How does that saying go again? Daisies? Lollipops? Well you get the idea). This morning was absolutely horrible. This afternoon was fabulous. And this moment is just plain blah. It's been a rough day, consumed with irritability and my struggle to overcome my awakened anger. (I just might blame it on my monthly mood swing).
I've been trudging through today, as dignified as possible, simply awaiting the arrival of tomorrow. I've experienced many highs today, for which I'm grateful, but my lows have been overwhelming. That's ok... it happens.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Several years ago I read "Don't sweat the small stuff," and the one thing that really stuck with me was the advice to be grateful in your high times and graceful in your low. I've said this often over the years, and on a day (or week) like today, it's what helps gets me through. So the next time you experience a low, give yourself a break. We all have them. Say a little prayer and sleep it off. I know I will.
QUOTE: "Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in, forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day, you shall begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
Apr 30, 2010
Apr 29, 2010
Day 9: Responding to Opposition
Today was bitter-sweet. I spent all day at a women's conference, receiving inspiration and motivation. (That was the sweet part). Naturally, because I was seeking the "good", opposition crept up from behind and hit me with the "bad", an ugly attempt to distract me from my focus. (That was the bitter part). I had an altercation with my x. I'm still irritated over it. His bitterness and hate toward me leaves me in awe, as the only person justified to indulge either of those emotions is me. I refuse to live at that level. I feel it at times, (right now, for example) but I refuse to live there. I will not let the scars of resentment destroy the beautiful future awaiting me.
And so I've fought all day. You know... that constant inner-battle between taking the low road versus the high. I'm not sure how well I scored today, but I can honestly say I did my best. (But my goodness, the low was tempting)! :)
TODAY'S FOCUS: When your x pushes your buttons and every fiber of your being cries out for revenge, take the high road, and then keep taking the high road. (I'm not claiming I always do this, but I certainly try, and I've yet to regret doing so). Resist the temptation to scratch their eyes out! (This one is a toughy, I know. lol). Hold your tongue and think twice before talking. Like cheap mouthwash, let hateful words swish around in your mouth awhile, then as the sting starts to wear off ... swallow them. (Only don't swallow your mouthwash. That's just gross). Read and re-read your emails and texts before sending, or just wait until the morning when you're a bit more coherent. (I can't believe the number of unsent letters piled up in my draft box).
Most likely your x will give you violent opposition, and plenty of it. No matter the opposition - take the high road. You'll get your reward. (Perhaps peace of mind in knowing you're doing what's right is reward enough).
QUOTE: "Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence." - Albert Einstein.
And so I've fought all day. You know... that constant inner-battle between taking the low road versus the high. I'm not sure how well I scored today, but I can honestly say I did my best. (But my goodness, the low was tempting)! :)
TODAY'S FOCUS: When your x pushes your buttons and every fiber of your being cries out for revenge, take the high road, and then keep taking the high road. (I'm not claiming I always do this, but I certainly try, and I've yet to regret doing so). Resist the temptation to scratch their eyes out! (This one is a toughy, I know. lol). Hold your tongue and think twice before talking. Like cheap mouthwash, let hateful words swish around in your mouth awhile, then as the sting starts to wear off ... swallow them. (Only don't swallow your mouthwash. That's just gross). Read and re-read your emails and texts before sending, or just wait until the morning when you're a bit more coherent. (I can't believe the number of unsent letters piled up in my draft box).
Most likely your x will give you violent opposition, and plenty of it. No matter the opposition - take the high road. You'll get your reward. (Perhaps peace of mind in knowing you're doing what's right is reward enough).
QUOTE: "Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence." - Albert Einstein.
Apr 28, 2010
Day 8: Don't find happiness... choose happiness.
This morning I woke to nightmares. I usually do. These were harder than usual, however, and vividly revived the feelings of betrayal I've worked so diligently to subjugate. Fresh heartbreak was awoken and I found myself baffled, again, over the harsh change that occurred in the man I had entrusted with my heart. With my life. Knowing that he coaxed me along in my oblivion, while at the same time sharing his heart with another woman, continues to leave me bewildered and stupefied.
As I escaped that place between dreams and reality, I found myself on my knees, knowing that Christ was the quickest source to assuage my pain. I was right. Sleep returned and my day got better.
This blog is read by some in the divorced community, and I'm starting to think they deserve to know a little about my history. I haven't been one to express bitterness or even share the reason for my divorce, because I refuse to let hate fester. I'm fully aware that the sooner I forgive the sooner I get to live the life awaiting me. However, I also realize that I no-longer have loyalties to my x, nor do I feel an obligation to protect him. He's made his choice and I allow him that, letting him live in bliss, while suppressing my desire for revenge. (I trust karma will do a fine job of that on her own). In the mean time, healing and helping others heal is my #1 concern. In sharing my story, I become a real person, with a real trial, and suddenly others can relate to me. There IS hope! There IS a way to heal! And when you've done all you can do, it's time to hand the rest over to Christ.
After I woke this morning I forced myself to exercise while listening to an inspirational speaker. I was fulfilled. Four hours later I felt bored and needy. I pushed past it and went grocery shopping. When gloom hits, I try conquer it by moving my body, despite the fact that it's the last thing I want to do. Tony Robbins has said, "Motion creates emotion," and he's right. In this moment I'm happy. Very happy.
Which brings me to my thought for the day.
TODAY'S FOCUS: It's been said that happiness is not pleasure, it's victory. Happiness is earned through struggling, enduring and accomplishing. It's not some distant object to be chased, and it certainly doesn't lie within the next man, or woman, of your dreams. It's within you, and if you can't find it alone it will only be transitory with another. It's nourished through gratitude, appreciating what you have and sharing it with others. It finds you when you stop looking for it and get outside yourself, serving those around you. Happiness is achieved when one is busy. While the body toils and the mind is occupied, the heart will surely find satisfaction.
QUOTE: "Many persons have the wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose." - Helen Keller
As I escaped that place between dreams and reality, I found myself on my knees, knowing that Christ was the quickest source to assuage my pain. I was right. Sleep returned and my day got better.
This blog is read by some in the divorced community, and I'm starting to think they deserve to know a little about my history. I haven't been one to express bitterness or even share the reason for my divorce, because I refuse to let hate fester. I'm fully aware that the sooner I forgive the sooner I get to live the life awaiting me. However, I also realize that I no-longer have loyalties to my x, nor do I feel an obligation to protect him. He's made his choice and I allow him that, letting him live in bliss, while suppressing my desire for revenge. (I trust karma will do a fine job of that on her own). In the mean time, healing and helping others heal is my #1 concern. In sharing my story, I become a real person, with a real trial, and suddenly others can relate to me. There IS hope! There IS a way to heal! And when you've done all you can do, it's time to hand the rest over to Christ.
After I woke this morning I forced myself to exercise while listening to an inspirational speaker. I was fulfilled. Four hours later I felt bored and needy. I pushed past it and went grocery shopping. When gloom hits, I try conquer it by moving my body, despite the fact that it's the last thing I want to do. Tony Robbins has said, "Motion creates emotion," and he's right. In this moment I'm happy. Very happy.
Which brings me to my thought for the day.
TODAY'S FOCUS: It's been said that happiness is not pleasure, it's victory. Happiness is earned through struggling, enduring and accomplishing. It's not some distant object to be chased, and it certainly doesn't lie within the next man, or woman, of your dreams. It's within you, and if you can't find it alone it will only be transitory with another. It's nourished through gratitude, appreciating what you have and sharing it with others. It finds you when you stop looking for it and get outside yourself, serving those around you. Happiness is achieved when one is busy. While the body toils and the mind is occupied, the heart will surely find satisfaction.
QUOTE: "Many persons have the wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose." - Helen Keller
Apr 27, 2010
Day 7: I am accountable
Can I tell you a little secret? I'm kind of a dork. (Ok, so that might not be a secret). I totally geek it up when it comes to goals, and one of my favorite methods to monitor my progress is through my "accountability chart."When I was child my parents had us report daily if we 1. said our prayers 2. made our bed 3. did our chores. They had a chart and would check off our tasks every night, insuring we were held accountable. I've carried this practice into my adult years, although my accountability chart is slightly more complicated now. I've done this on and off for several years and have learned that if I have too many tasks, checking them off becomes a daunting chore. I've developed my well-balanced chart for these 90 days, and I've broken it down into 10-day increments, rather than a week at a time. I used to do 30-day charts, but found that 10-days is a better length, as it's long enough to push me (versus 7) but not so long I lose my focus.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Set one goal and write it down. Break it down into the weekly, daily and even hourly requirements necessary to achieve it - then put it somewhere you'll see it often. (hint,hint... The fridge). If you're feeling brave, make an accountability chart with 5-10 things you'd like to focus on daily, and hold yourself to it, even if only for 5 days. The beauty of a chart is it keeps you not only accountable, but focused. Whenever I have a lull in my day I look over my chart and see what I have left to do, then get back on the horse and act with intent. It's been said that goals are dreams with deadlines, so plan your work and work your plan. :) .... So I'm a bit cheesy. lol Hey, I warned you I'm a dork!
QUOTE: "If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things." - Albert Einstein.
Apr 26, 2010
Day 6: Get busy.
Today I've been busy. Very busy. I'm in awe as I look at my clock. 12:03am. (Guess I blew my goal of being in bed by 11). A year ago I might have complained about a quickly-passing day, but in this stage of life I find relief over a day that has clipped along, leaving little idle time for the Devil.
I'm grateful for work. I'm not referring to a "job," rather the opportunity to be highly involved in a good cause. Be it a goal, an assignment or a daunting necessity... to come face-to-face with a difficult task, stare it in the eyes, and attack it head on is most rewarding. This kind of work brings undeniable satisfaction.
Today I took on such a task. I'm exhausted! Exhausted, yet fulfilled. I spent many hours on it while allowing my "busy-ness" to enshroud my guilt, knowing I was putting off more "important" goals on my to-do-list. I began to wonder if I chose the best investment for my time, yet the fact that I even chose a task (and stuck with it until it was finished) left me feeling more confident and hopeful in the future. I would consider that a good investment. I would consider that important.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Choose one task, big or small, that you know is slightly out of your comfort zone and resolve to get started on it today! It could be something you've put off for far too long (cleaning off your desk), or something you've considered often, but never quite dared act upon (that first step in beginning your business). Whatever you do - choose a task that stretches you slightly and determine to focus on it until it's complete! As is so often the case, when we find success in one small accomplishment we are spurred on to greater things.
QUOTE: " "Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy." - Dale Carnegie
I'm grateful for work. I'm not referring to a "job," rather the opportunity to be highly involved in a good cause. Be it a goal, an assignment or a daunting necessity... to come face-to-face with a difficult task, stare it in the eyes, and attack it head on is most rewarding. This kind of work brings undeniable satisfaction.
Today I took on such a task. I'm exhausted! Exhausted, yet fulfilled. I spent many hours on it while allowing my "busy-ness" to enshroud my guilt, knowing I was putting off more "important" goals on my to-do-list. I began to wonder if I chose the best investment for my time, yet the fact that I even chose a task (and stuck with it until it was finished) left me feeling more confident and hopeful in the future. I would consider that a good investment. I would consider that important.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Choose one task, big or small, that you know is slightly out of your comfort zone and resolve to get started on it today! It could be something you've put off for far too long (cleaning off your desk), or something you've considered often, but never quite dared act upon (that first step in beginning your business). Whatever you do - choose a task that stretches you slightly and determine to focus on it until it's complete! As is so often the case, when we find success in one small accomplishment we are spurred on to greater things.
QUOTE: " "Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy." - Dale Carnegie
Apr 25, 2010
Day 5: Refocusing to choose the greater good.
True faith is a principle of action. It's deeper than mere belief and always moves its holder to physical and/or mental action. Knowing this, I resolved a few months ago to become a woman of greater action. I must admit that in doing so, I think I've taken on a little too much, and am running faster than I have strength. I'm beginning to feel worn down and slightly exhausted.
Today I spent a lot of mental energy evaluating where I spend my time and energy on a daily basis - which actions need to persist and which I need to discontinue. I do a lot of "good" things, but I'm realizing that I'm so preoccupied with the good that I'm often neglecting the "great." There is only so much time in one day, and my efforts can only be focused on so many things at once. I need to tackle that which matters most, so my efforts aren't going to waste.
Having said that, this post will be short and sweet. One "great" thing I've been neglecting lately is sleep. It's time I refocus on my health, and give my body what it deserves.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Be picky with your time. Be picky with whom you're sharing it with - for lost time can never be found again. Focus on that which yields the greatest ROI and check yourself often, insuring you maintain an acute focus on the greater goals, avoiding the pitfall of settling for that which is simply "good."
QUOTE: “It is not so much the major events as the small day-to-day decisions that map the course of our living. … Our lives are, in reality, the sum total of our seemingly unimportant decisions and of our capacity to live by those decisions” - President Gordon B. Hinckley.
Today I spent a lot of mental energy evaluating where I spend my time and energy on a daily basis - which actions need to persist and which I need to discontinue. I do a lot of "good" things, but I'm realizing that I'm so preoccupied with the good that I'm often neglecting the "great." There is only so much time in one day, and my efforts can only be focused on so many things at once. I need to tackle that which matters most, so my efforts aren't going to waste.
Having said that, this post will be short and sweet. One "great" thing I've been neglecting lately is sleep. It's time I refocus on my health, and give my body what it deserves.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Be picky with your time. Be picky with whom you're sharing it with - for lost time can never be found again. Focus on that which yields the greatest ROI and check yourself often, insuring you maintain an acute focus on the greater goals, avoiding the pitfall of settling for that which is simply "good."
QUOTE: “It is not so much the major events as the small day-to-day decisions that map the course of our living. … Our lives are, in reality, the sum total of our seemingly unimportant decisions and of our capacity to live by those decisions” - President Gordon B. Hinckley.
Apr 24, 2010
Day 4: I am what I am
If you haven't already noticed, this blog is gonna get a little personal. Perhaps I should make my feelings a bit less overt... but why? I'm human and to pretend I'm not is just silly. I have my weaknesses, and I've never had a problem wearing them on my sleeve. They're a part of my story, and they make me who I am. I've found that in sharing my faults with others I have received unexpected strength, support and made true friends along the way. I'm real. They know it, and I know it.
Being so open, however, does leave me completely vulnerable and should leave me uneasy. Yet is doesn't. I shrug my shoulders and think, "I'm not much for judging others. I've always just assumed that others are the same way." I might be wrong, but in the end I'll let people think what they're gonna think, cause I learned a loooong time ago there ain't nothin' I can do about it.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Be real. If you're struggling with something in life, and we ALL are, then share it with another. I choose to share my struggles with the world. :) If I were married, my spouse would be enough. (If you're married, include your spouse and/or a councilor. To refuse either option and confide in another is not only ignoble, but cowardly). If the problem is never acknowledged it can never be fixed, hence, pretending to be impervious does you no favors. Your weaknesses are part of the beautiful you, so throw it all down on the table and let the people in your life love you for YOU, the good as well as the bad!
QUOTE: "Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later, if you are posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you?" - Fanny Brice
Being so open, however, does leave me completely vulnerable and should leave me uneasy. Yet is doesn't. I shrug my shoulders and think, "I'm not much for judging others. I've always just assumed that others are the same way." I might be wrong, but in the end I'll let people think what they're gonna think, cause I learned a loooong time ago there ain't nothin' I can do about it.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Be real. If you're struggling with something in life, and we ALL are, then share it with another. I choose to share my struggles with the world. :) If I were married, my spouse would be enough. (If you're married, include your spouse and/or a councilor. To refuse either option and confide in another is not only ignoble, but cowardly). If the problem is never acknowledged it can never be fixed, hence, pretending to be impervious does you no favors. Your weaknesses are part of the beautiful you, so throw it all down on the table and let the people in your life love you for YOU, the good as well as the bad!
QUOTE: "Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later, if you are posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you?" - Fanny Brice
Apr 23, 2010
Day 3: Entertain to Overcome
As I sit on my laptop in this very moment, being home is the last place I want to be, and writing is the last thing I want to do. How can one have such a fulfilling day, yet feel so lonely? My craving for the affection of a man is most overwhelming, as I deprive myself from such. I know if I can just get through the next 10-15 days I'll be over the hump, and experience transcending inner strength, but for now I would say I'm most certainly experiencing detox. I want so badly to share the great day I've had with another, unwind and watch a movie while cuddling. There is nothing wrong with this, but until I can thrive without it I'll never be my best self. (Relying on another for fulfillment is detrimental. I know. I've been there. Let's shoot for healthy).
So here I am. Striving to thrive.
I just got home from Orem, where I was helping my friend at the"What Women Want" expo. I have a kind, respectful and (aaahem) beautiful "friend" who lives just down the road. It was all I could do to get in my car and drive home, despite the incredible craving I had to just drop by and say hi. Had he asked me to visit him I'm not sure I could have said no. I'm, both, slightly disappointed and immensely grateful he didn't.
I forced myself to drive straight home, where I could accomplish my daily goals and get to bed at a decent hour - experiencing true fulfillment. Sure, it wasn't the instant gratification I would have received by visiting him, but as I sit here and type I feel stronger by the minute, and proud of myself for resisting temptation and choosing delayed gratification over the transitory alternate route.
I love a scripture I keep on my fridge that reads, "Blessed is the man that resisteth temptation; for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him." (James 1:12)
On another note, my Lia Sophia party last night was incredible, and the support shown by friends (and my sister) left me overflowing with gratitude! It was all I had hoped for and more: Games, laughter, bonding and girl-talk. Not only was my loneliness quenched, but the synergy experienced left me completley invigorated and satisfied. It may seem small, but I feel I conquered a great feat. I would have never planned a girls night as a married woman, and this was out of my comfort zone, but the triumph in trying certainly trumped surrendering to my fear of failure.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Entertain. As much as you may not want to... entertain. Just once. You may be pleasantly surprised and even elated by the results (I know I was). Get over your excuses (My place isn't nice enough, what if no-one comes, hosting is too much work...) and, as Nike would say, JUST DO IT! (Yes, I know that was cheesy). Invite people over to watch the big game, to enjoy pizza and a movie, or to play card games into the wee hours of the night. Even if you only invite two or three people, what could be more delightful than spending time with those you hand-pick?
So dust off the board games, pull out the china and celebrate - and if the best excuse you can come up with is "Sorry Charlie" day, "Metric System" day, or "Blah, blah blah" day - then go with it! (Yes, there is a "blah, blah, blah" day. April 17th. I'm so bummed I missed it... could have been a great party). Check out this awesome website for an excuse to celebrate every day of the month. Get eccentric with it, baby!
QUOTE: "Every time you open your doors to people who bring in laughter and affection, you get to keep some if it after they go." -Victoria Moran.
So here I am. Striving to thrive.
I just got home from Orem, where I was helping my friend at the"What Women Want" expo. I have a kind, respectful and (aaahem) beautiful "friend" who lives just down the road. It was all I could do to get in my car and drive home, despite the incredible craving I had to just drop by and say hi. Had he asked me to visit him I'm not sure I could have said no. I'm, both, slightly disappointed and immensely grateful he didn't.
I forced myself to drive straight home, where I could accomplish my daily goals and get to bed at a decent hour - experiencing true fulfillment. Sure, it wasn't the instant gratification I would have received by visiting him, but as I sit here and type I feel stronger by the minute, and proud of myself for resisting temptation and choosing delayed gratification over the transitory alternate route.
I love a scripture I keep on my fridge that reads, "Blessed is the man that resisteth temptation; for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him." (James 1:12)
On another note, my Lia Sophia party last night was incredible, and the support shown by friends (and my sister) left me overflowing with gratitude! It was all I had hoped for and more: Games, laughter, bonding and girl-talk. Not only was my loneliness quenched, but the synergy experienced left me completley invigorated and satisfied. It may seem small, but I feel I conquered a great feat. I would have never planned a girls night as a married woman, and this was out of my comfort zone, but the triumph in trying certainly trumped surrendering to my fear of failure.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Entertain. As much as you may not want to... entertain. Just once. You may be pleasantly surprised and even elated by the results (I know I was). Get over your excuses (My place isn't nice enough, what if no-one comes, hosting is too much work...) and, as Nike would say, JUST DO IT! (Yes, I know that was cheesy). Invite people over to watch the big game, to enjoy pizza and a movie, or to play card games into the wee hours of the night. Even if you only invite two or three people, what could be more delightful than spending time with those you hand-pick?
So dust off the board games, pull out the china and celebrate - and if the best excuse you can come up with is "Sorry Charlie" day, "Metric System" day, or "Blah, blah blah" day - then go with it! (Yes, there is a "blah, blah, blah" day. April 17th. I'm so bummed I missed it... could have been a great party). Check out this awesome website for an excuse to celebrate every day of the month. Get eccentric with it, baby!
QUOTE: "Every time you open your doors to people who bring in laughter and affection, you get to keep some if it after they go." -Victoria Moran.
Apr 22, 2010
Day 2: Already lacking creative titles lol
Today has been incredible! I went to bed last night on a high note, as I'd spent all day reading, writing and making plans to conquer the next 90 days. To wake up this morning, already fulfilled, was truly a great way to start my day.
Today I did great in the men category. A guy texted me a few times, but I was too busy (and committed) to reply. After 8 unanswered texts he finally said, "Is this still Natalie's number?" I laughed, replied, and we had a brief, pleasant conversation. I feel balanced.
I've spent all day preparing for a Lia Sophia Jewelry party I'm having tonight. I know that I need to immerse myself in girlfriends, so this party is my attempt to do so. I'm not one to do this kind of thing, at all ... which is exactly why I'm doing it. (Surprising, as I'm quite the social bug). We'll see how it goes.
TODAY'S FOCUS: I am constantly aware of my thoughts and where I'm putting my energy. I only have room for the positive in my life and I understand that clear thinking produces clear results. By having control over my thoughts, I have control over my life. (A pretty darn good life, at that).
QUOTE: "A man's mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild; but whether cultivated or neglected, it must, and will, bring forth." - James Allen (As a Man Thinketh)
Today I did great in the men category. A guy texted me a few times, but I was too busy (and committed) to reply. After 8 unanswered texts he finally said, "Is this still Natalie's number?" I laughed, replied, and we had a brief, pleasant conversation. I feel balanced.
I've spent all day preparing for a Lia Sophia Jewelry party I'm having tonight. I know that I need to immerse myself in girlfriends, so this party is my attempt to do so. I'm not one to do this kind of thing, at all ... which is exactly why I'm doing it. (Surprising, as I'm quite the social bug). We'll see how it goes.
TODAY'S FOCUS: I am constantly aware of my thoughts and where I'm putting my energy. I only have room for the positive in my life and I understand that clear thinking produces clear results. By having control over my thoughts, I have control over my life. (A pretty darn good life, at that).
QUOTE: "A man's mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild; but whether cultivated or neglected, it must, and will, bring forth." - James Allen (As a Man Thinketh)
Apr 21, 2010
A 90 DAY CHALLENGE.... AGAIN.
On Dec 25th, 2009, I gave Christ the best birthday gift I could conceive. My will. I wanted more than anything to have the affections of a man after my recent divorce - so I knew that was exactly what I must sacrifice, or at-least postpone. I promised that I would take 90 days to focus on serving those around me, and drawing nearer to Christ. 90 days without men. 90 days to heal. My resolve was to experience a love affair with the Lord, placing the affections of my heart upon Him, and He alone.
I held myself accountable daily and was pleased with my progress, experiencing near tangible growth. I had a few slip-ups, but would quickly get back on the horse. Though I had every intention of keeping my promise, my resolve wavered only 40 days into the challenge and I found myself spending hours - days even - with a "friend." This continued on and off for 3 weeks, my commitment lukewarm as silent justifications ran through my mind. Afterall... I was still serving daily. And we weren't "dating." Besides, everyone waivers a little, right?
It was this very reasoning that brought me back into focus. I don't want to be "everyone." I don't want my carnal desires to serve as a scapegoat for falling short of my potential. I want to be a woman of God, and achieve my greatest value. Proverbs 31:10, "Who can find a virtuous woman, for her price is far above rubies."
I recommitted to my promise and finished my 90 days like a champ, even extending it by two weeks. It was a great experience, and as I pushed past the hard times I grew immensely! However... I know I could have done better. No feeling in the world can replace the peace experienced when you know you did your absolute best. Hence, I'm starting again. I don't expect to be perfect, but I will strive a little harder to be my best.
I started a separate blog for this experiment because I WILL BE WRITING EVERY DAY FOR 90 DAYS. This might become tedious and monotonous, but it creates a public record of my doings, thus, holding me accountable. The clock starts ticking now, April 21st, and ends July 20th.
... Wish me luck. :)
I held myself accountable daily and was pleased with my progress, experiencing near tangible growth. I had a few slip-ups, but would quickly get back on the horse. Though I had every intention of keeping my promise, my resolve wavered only 40 days into the challenge and I found myself spending hours - days even - with a "friend." This continued on and off for 3 weeks, my commitment lukewarm as silent justifications ran through my mind. Afterall... I was still serving daily. And we weren't "dating." Besides, everyone waivers a little, right?
It was this very reasoning that brought me back into focus. I don't want to be "everyone." I don't want my carnal desires to serve as a scapegoat for falling short of my potential. I want to be a woman of God, and achieve my greatest value. Proverbs 31:10, "Who can find a virtuous woman, for her price is far above rubies."
I recommitted to my promise and finished my 90 days like a champ, even extending it by two weeks. It was a great experience, and as I pushed past the hard times I grew immensely! However... I know I could have done better. No feeling in the world can replace the peace experienced when you know you did your absolute best. Hence, I'm starting again. I don't expect to be perfect, but I will strive a little harder to be my best.
I started a separate blog for this experiment because I WILL BE WRITING EVERY DAY FOR 90 DAYS. This might become tedious and monotonous, but it creates a public record of my doings, thus, holding me accountable. The clock starts ticking now, April 21st, and ends July 20th.
... Wish me luck. :)
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