I can't get this day written for the life of me! The words feel cumbersome and the mood incoherent, so I'm posting it "as is" and moving on, trusting that at-least I got something out of writing it.
True healing includes seeking comfort through productive sources rather than destructive behaviors. I'm not there yet. I'm not the amazing, determined and resolute woman I want to be. Need to be. I proved it to myself, yet again, leaving me dejected, to say the least. Don't worry, I'm not out gettin' crazy or being stupid... but a "friend" made a surprise visit to my home tonight and I found myself relying on him for comfort and affection, rather than leaning on my own strength. What a wasted kiss. I do great for a few weeks then self-sabotage rears it's ugly head, as I put emotions above logic. I begin to doubt if I can overcome my aberrant habits, then I remind myself I MUST, and that doubt is a luxury I simply can not afford. (Of-course a kiss isn't a "big deal," but I'm striving for excellence. I don't need anything confusing me or blurring my vision).
I must believe I can conquer, continue to focus on outcome rather than process, and simply do my best tomorrow.
TODAY'S FOCUS: I was complaining about my "fall" when a good friend said, "It takes a really great kiss to be better than no kiss at all." Very well said.
As we hold out for the "best" things in life, we broaden our self-love and elevate our inner-self. We begin to, not only believe, but know that we're worthy of only the best, deserve only the best, and will indulge only the best. We realize that going without is far more rewarding than settling for mediocre, just because it's readily available. This is true of many things: the food we eat, the people we date, the entertainment we enjoy, and the clothes we wear. (Wait - Scratch that last one).
Success is about denying something mediocre today, while believing something extraordinary lies in tomorrow. Now if I can just remember this when mediocre comes knocking... literally.
QUOTE: “Mediocrity is self-inflicted. Genius is self-bestowed" -Walter Russell
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