Day 38: 4 minutes, 6 seconds. Putting it all on the table.

My feelings tonight are incommunicable. My heart is blessedly happy, and I blame Stellar-Steve. Tonight will forever be burned in my mind, the imprint of which will never cease to bring a smile to my face. (Wow, that's some mushy stuff).

Yesterday Stellar-Steve and I made a last-minute decision to go to Vegas. Today we enjoyed, yes enjoyed, the long drive together and, upon arrival, immediately spent some R&R at the pool. We swam, laughed, played and cuddled. To hold and adore the man I so greatly admire left me elated. It was complete satisfaction. Later, we took a long walk down the strip, holding hands, content to simply be together. It was most interesting to experience edification, even amidst the surrounding environment of the strip.

We eventually decided on a little place to eat, grabbed a few bites, then went to the Bellagio in anticipation of the next fountain show. It began, booming powerfully, "Time to say goodbye" by Andrea Bocelli. I was touched, this being one of my favorite songs, and as we held each-other I was consumed by the music and moved to tears. (I'm a boob like that). In that 4 minutes and 6 seconds, an unforgettable moment was created. A moment in which I decided I was ready. Ready to trust again. Ready to share my heart. Ready to reciprocate what Stellar-Steve has so generously given me. Another turning point in my healing. Am I still scared? Of course. Do I have doubts? Naturally. But I'm choosing to push past those and cling tenaciously to what feels right. This. Feels right.

On the way back we indulged one spin at Roulette. Steve was about to put down $100. "How about $50?" I said. "Ok. $50." "Wait... $25." He smiled, "You can't win with what you don't have on the table." He laid down $50, told me to call it (black), and seconds later walked away with $100 in his pocket. I only wish I could've captured the looks of those faces at the table as we walked away celebrating - all of whom were obviously on a loosing streak. What can I say? I'm a lucky charm! We were giddy at the great fortune we had experienced all night. From the minute to the grand... this is a night I will never forget.

TODAY'S FOCUS: Stellar-Steve said it best... You can't win with that you don't have on the table.

QUOTE: "The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live." -Leo F. Buscaglia