Day 73: Communicate. ...Communicate.

What a wonderful way to begin the Holiday weekend! I spent the evening with Stellar-Steve and his family, where we laughed, enjoyed good (and bad) music, and got sick on junk food while watching fireworks. The drive there and back gave plenty of time for conversation, which led to an eye-opening experience.

I'm pretty good at putting my foot in my mouth, and Stellar-Steve is pretty good at letting it roll off his shoulders. I, on the other hand, don't do well when offended, and my body language makes it known. Tonight I had such a moment, and Stellar-Steve insisted we talk it out until we came to the bottom of the matter, and I feel at peace. His patience and persistence were most impressive, and changing the subject or ignoring the issue was not an option. I forgot how much work proper communication requires, and tonight I realized it was absent from my marriage. A mistake I will not repeat.

If I addressed a problem in marriage, my spouse would either walk away or agree with me, in an effort to end the conversation. If he addressed a problem I would take it personally and cry, so he never bothered confronting me. For years I thought we had a perfect marriage. Now I realize we had as many problems as anyone else, I was simply unaware of them. George Bernard Shaw said, "The single biggest problem of communication is the illusion that it has taken place." I have a long way to go, but tonight I learned how it feels when true communication takes place. A surprisingly refreshing experience.

TODAY'S FOCUS: Effective communication takes work and, like most things in life, it only works for those who work at it. If you're not willing to put forth the effort to settle an issue, you'll be left with unresolved hurt, leading to resentment and anger, which can ultimately destroy the relationship. Exercise a little patience and persistence until the issue is fully resolved and both parties feel understood.

QUOTE: “When all other means of communication fail, try words” - Anonymous