Day 81: Ask Why

Today has not been so hot. Moving from a serious relationship to one of hazy terms is proving difficult, and has put me in a strange place where I have a tendency to play games with Stellar-Steve. Obviously this is not effective, nor necessary, but it's the route I chose today.

I was craving time with him, but our awkward position, and the fact that he lives an hour away, were not very accommodating. I don't know what got into me, but I had a two or three hour period where I completley pestered the poor guy, going from needy and begging to demanding and teasing then apologetic and doting, all in a thirty minute period. Then I turned around and repeated the pattern twice more. Though I was being playful, and he was amused, I knew it had to come to an end. I finally stopped my teasing long enough to ask myself, "What are you doing, Natalie? And why?" Those words proved invaluable. I regained my composure, accepted that I wasn't going to spend time with him today, and returned to my authentic self - moving on with my day and making the most of my time, while letting Stellar-Steve do the same.

"Why" is a question I've asked myself often these last few days. Why am I doing what I'm doing? What are my intentions? What is the desired result? Minus today's episode, these questions have helped me uncover effective communication and resist the temptation to play mind games. It's been quite liberating, really.

TODAY'S FOCUS: Before you blurt out that next word or display loud and incongruent body language, stop and ask yourself, "Why? What are my motives? What am I trying to accomplish?" If there's a more mature and effective way to go about it, which there probably is, then do so. Before doing anything, CTR: Consider the results.

... Now if I could only practice this consistently, imagine how efficient I could be.

QUOTE: "Think before you act and act on what you believe." -Bo Bennett