Day 74: An inside-out approach

Is there anything more American than a small-town 4th of July parade? The children, the floats, the sirens and candy... it made the perfect Saturday morning, complete with ideal weather and a mellow mood. Afterward, Stellar-Steve and I went to a movie with his family, then ran a few miles to burn the popcorn and sweets we'd indulged in. I love being with a man who shares my values. From physical to emotional wellness, he understands me, and often knows what I need even before I know I need it. One such need has been weighing on my mind, and today it was he who brought it up.

Though neither of us have wanted to admit it, this last week we've both realized that I need more time to heal. I've grown tremendously, but I'm not out of the woods yet. My heart needs to mend and I need to find complete inner strength and validation alone, so I can offer my whole and best self to another. I need to gain an assurance that I'm worthy to be loved, exactly the way I am, the good with the bad. I'm most uncomfortable saying that, and even in this moment I'm tempted to retract my words. I feel surprisingly exposed and vulnerable, yet I've learned that feeling unworthy of love is a common theme among divorcees, and one which many assuage with the excitement and security of a new relationship. This is one pitfall I must avoid.

I'm not sure where this leaves Stellar-Steve and I... but cat's out of the bag and reality must be faced. I'm most impressed with his maturity and long-term perspective. He loves me enough to want me at my best, even at the risk of losing me by letting go. We'll still date, but we're moving from a serious relationship to casual dating, ensuring I don't lean on him more than I should.

TODAY'S FOCUS: Painting over rust never gets rid of it. Though it may look pristine, it's only a matter of time before the hidden rust makes its way to the surface and, once again, the ugly pattern begins. As painful as it may be, use the time and tools necessary to properly remove the rust from your life, so your work of art is a genuine masterpiece, rather than a sham waiting to be uncovered.

QUOTE: "The 'Inside-Out' approach to personal and interpersonal effectiveness means to start first with self; even more fundamentally, to start with th emost inside part of self - with your paradigms, your character and your motives. The inside-out approach says that private victories precede public victories, that making and keeping promises to ourselves recedes making and keeping promises to others. It says it is futile to put personality ahead of character, to try to improve relationships with others before improving ourselves." -Stephen R. Covey