Why is it that the moment I sit down to blog I feel like I'm in a confessional? Ok, I've never actually been in a confessional, but I imagine this is what it would feel like. I can't NOT share my failures, otherwise this journey would not be honest. The truth is, by being overt I hope to preserve my integrity while palliating my hypocrisy. Hey, I'm the first to admit it's there, but I try, really I do!
Today I was running errands and decided to drop by to see my friend and try, once more, to be "just friends." Yup - not happening. I know, I know, I should be ashamed, but at this point I just shake my head and roll my eyes. Whattya do? I can beat myself up, but instead I'll just learn, get back on the horse and admit that being "just friends" ain't gonna happen.
I can resist for months, but once I decide to like someone I lay all my cards on the table and go all-in, no bluffing. I fall in love, and hard. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, but I'm in no place to be doing so right now. It's what I want, but certainly not what I need. I need to heal and, unfortunately, time is the necessity to do so, NOT a man. I need to spend this precious time seeking truth, not comfort, of which I must remind myself daily.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Do you dabble, or even bask, in a false sense of comfort? Where do you turn when you feel stressed, alone or in pain? If it's a counter-productive or a destructive source, perhaps it's time step back and analyze your reasons, rather than allowing yourself to be a victim of circumstance. Ask better questions, seek truthful answers, act on your discoveries and trust that as you uncover truth, comfort -true comfort- will find you. This is not easy, and requires the sacrifice of instant gratification, but any worthy reward is worth the sacrifice.
QUOTE: "If you look for truth you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair." -C.S. Lewis
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"I can resist for months, but once I decide to like someone I lay all my cards on the table and go all-in, no bluffing."
ReplyDeleteAnd I always thought that was just me. I can certainly see where you're coming from, and I admire you for being so steadfast in your convictions. Good job!
Comfort vs Truth: In my own personal experience, I think the emptiness and despair that befall us at times (especially during or after a divorce) are necessary to realize certain things about us...the hard way. Perhaps I'm weak, but at some point I had to admit to myself that some comfort was necessary to prevent myself from going crazy and turning into an anxiety-ridden vegetable. That's just me, though, and I am always glad to learn how different people deal with all this.
By the way, your "confessions" are very insightful and helpful to others. Keep it up, sister.
So true - how divorce teaches us about ourselves the hard way! It has been an adventure, to say the least.
ReplyDeleteI think we all need comfort. I should have clarified that I'm not opposed to seeking comfort, I just feel it needs to be TRUE sources of comfort, rather than false - which requires much more work to find than its transitory counterpart. :) FOR ME... writing, girlfriends and being productive have proven to be great sources of comfort.