Today was horrible. Horrible! It was horrible - and it was all my fault. I woke up ready to pick a fight, and pick a fight I did. I thought it would make me feel better. Oh the deceit. You see... for the most part I've taken the high road with my x, but yesterday words were exchanged which festered into a grotesque anger and convinced me that the high road was no longer worth taking. Apparently, I forgot that I'm the beneficiary.
It could have been a great morning. Instead it began with an atrocious altercation which left me feeling confused, small and utterly despondent. What? You didn't think I'm actually strong all of the time, did you? Far from it. Regretfully, I have more than my share of faults, and if I always practiced what I preach life would be quite a different story. Evidently, aligning my actions with my standards is a lifelong quest, and today it took Stellar-Steve to help me do just that. I tried to mask my emotions over the phone, but he heard right through them and minutes later was on his way to my home, taking time off work to assuage my pain. Sadly, I didn't just lean on him today... I toppled over while he held me up, and relied on him for the vision and hope I could not find on my own. I pray I'm never in that place again.
I later called my x and made amends. Was the altercation justified? From my perspective, yes... but that doesn't make it right nor lesson the detriment to healing. Retaliation is empty. I should have been a bigger person, but what's done is done and can't be taken back. Now the road to recovery.
TODAY'S FOCUS: It only takes one moment of carelessness to undo years of carefulness. Be it a harsh word to a spouse, cruelty to a child or dishonesty with a co-worker, people cling tenaciously to the negative and one bad experience will quickly diminish ten good ones. Once damage is done there is only one path to recovery: Time and a good track record.
Be patient, hold your tongue, and resist making an important decision during your worst mood. As the wise Chinese Proverb states, "If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow."
QUOTE: "Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret." -Dr. Laurence J. Peter
Jun 30, 2010
Jun 29, 2010
Day 70: Don't take it personally
It's 9:04pm and I'm officially worn out! I just might make it to bed before midnight - unheard of. Today, while watching my friend's kids, we walked to the nearby grocery store so I could do some shopping as well as entertain and wear them out before nap-time. lol. Kill two birds with one stone. As we were checking out I remembered an experience from last week that has been on my mind.
I was waiting in the checkout line when I witnessed the most interesting scene unfold. The woman checking out was in a wheelchair and couldn't find her card to pay. As she took her sweet time looking for it, the next person was rung up and ready to pay - just waiting for the first woman to complete her transaction. (At this store, two can checkout at once and bag separately, because the conveyor belt splits into two directions). As she finally found her card she carried on small talk with the cashier, complaining about life in a wheelchair while swiping her card four times before realizing she was doing it wrong. The line grew antsy but feigned patience in an effort to be polite. Immediately after payment was accepted, the next woman swiped her card, clearly in a hurry to leave.
"People are so rude these days, don't ya think?" A passive aggressive statement, intended for the woman behind her. "No consideration for anything or anyone. Can't they see I'm in a wheelchair. How would they feel if they had to live in a wheelchair?"
"I'm sorry ma'am, are you implying I'm being rude?" said the second woman.
"Yes. Yes I am. I'm in a wheelchair and you're so inpatient. You're just plain rude."
"I apologize. I wasn't intending to be rude. I'm just in a hurry. My kids just got home from school and I'm not there to greet them. I didn't mean to offend you."
"Well you did. And now my day is ruined. It's not easy being in a wheelchair, ya know!"
"I'm sure it's not. I apologize and I hope your day gets better," she said sincerely, as she walked to her side of the conveyor belt and began quickly bagging her groceries.
"I need someone to bag my groceries. Isn't there any help around here? I'm in a wheelchair, can't people see that?" The cashier glanced at me and rolled her eyes, overtly irritated, as she called for help. "Society is so rude and people are so insensitive. I can't do this alone, ya know? I'm stuck in this wheelchair, how would you feel if..." Only then did she notice her groceries were nearly all bagged, and by the very woman she had yelled at 30 seconds prior. She fell silent, all tension melted away and her embarrassment was palpable.
"Thank you! That was very nice of you," she said, humbly.
"My pleasure."
"So, your kids are home from school?" The small talk began, in an effort to mend her tantrum.
"Yeah. We're adjusting to a new schedule. Dad's not around anymore, so life is always a little busy."
"Oh yeah? What happened? Did he get a new job?"
"No, no. He left me a few months ago. Got his secretary pregnant."
"Oh." An uncomfortable silence was present. "Well, you have your own complaints too, then, don't you."
"Yeah, but who doesn't. That's life, ya know."
The woman in the wheelchair thanked her, as she finished bagging her groceries and then gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "God bless you. Thank you. You are very kind."
I had to wonder how the busy mom must have felt as she walked out of there, knowing she had deflected anger geared toward her and met it with love rather than taking it personally.
TODAY'S FOCUS: People act on the outside, how the feel on the inside, and the better we understand that the easier it becomes to let possible offenses roll off our shoulders. The analogy holds true - many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and, if you let them, they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally, and refuse to spread their garbage unnecessarily to your friends, family and co-workers.
How often do we let other people's nonsense control our mood? Perhaps we let a bad driver, curt boss, or an insensitive employee ruin our day. This may set us back for a moment, but the mark of a successful person is how quickly they refocus on what's important. Smile, wave, wish the naysayer well, and let the garbage-truck pass by. You'll be happy you did.
I was waiting in the checkout line when I witnessed the most interesting scene unfold. The woman checking out was in a wheelchair and couldn't find her card to pay. As she took her sweet time looking for it, the next person was rung up and ready to pay - just waiting for the first woman to complete her transaction. (At this store, two can checkout at once and bag separately, because the conveyor belt splits into two directions). As she finally found her card she carried on small talk with the cashier, complaining about life in a wheelchair while swiping her card four times before realizing she was doing it wrong. The line grew antsy but feigned patience in an effort to be polite. Immediately after payment was accepted, the next woman swiped her card, clearly in a hurry to leave.
"People are so rude these days, don't ya think?" A passive aggressive statement, intended for the woman behind her. "No consideration for anything or anyone. Can't they see I'm in a wheelchair. How would they feel if they had to live in a wheelchair?"
"I'm sorry ma'am, are you implying I'm being rude?" said the second woman.
"Yes. Yes I am. I'm in a wheelchair and you're so inpatient. You're just plain rude."
"I apologize. I wasn't intending to be rude. I'm just in a hurry. My kids just got home from school and I'm not there to greet them. I didn't mean to offend you."
"Well you did. And now my day is ruined. It's not easy being in a wheelchair, ya know!"
"I'm sure it's not. I apologize and I hope your day gets better," she said sincerely, as she walked to her side of the conveyor belt and began quickly bagging her groceries.
"I need someone to bag my groceries. Isn't there any help around here? I'm in a wheelchair, can't people see that?" The cashier glanced at me and rolled her eyes, overtly irritated, as she called for help. "Society is so rude and people are so insensitive. I can't do this alone, ya know? I'm stuck in this wheelchair, how would you feel if..." Only then did she notice her groceries were nearly all bagged, and by the very woman she had yelled at 30 seconds prior. She fell silent, all tension melted away and her embarrassment was palpable.
"Thank you! That was very nice of you," she said, humbly.
"My pleasure."
"So, your kids are home from school?" The small talk began, in an effort to mend her tantrum.
"Yeah. We're adjusting to a new schedule. Dad's not around anymore, so life is always a little busy."
"Oh yeah? What happened? Did he get a new job?"
"No, no. He left me a few months ago. Got his secretary pregnant."
"Oh." An uncomfortable silence was present. "Well, you have your own complaints too, then, don't you."
"Yeah, but who doesn't. That's life, ya know."
The woman in the wheelchair thanked her, as she finished bagging her groceries and then gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "God bless you. Thank you. You are very kind."
I had to wonder how the busy mom must have felt as she walked out of there, knowing she had deflected anger geared toward her and met it with love rather than taking it personally.
TODAY'S FOCUS: People act on the outside, how the feel on the inside, and the better we understand that the easier it becomes to let possible offenses roll off our shoulders. The analogy holds true - many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and, if you let them, they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally, and refuse to spread their garbage unnecessarily to your friends, family and co-workers.
How often do we let other people's nonsense control our mood? Perhaps we let a bad driver, curt boss, or an insensitive employee ruin our day. This may set us back for a moment, but the mark of a successful person is how quickly they refocus on what's important. Smile, wave, wish the naysayer well, and let the garbage-truck pass by. You'll be happy you did.
- QUOTE: "How you treat others is a direct reflection of how you feel about yourself." -Amber Deckers
Jun 28, 2010
Day 69: Prioritize for fulfillment
After hours of wrestling, Gracie refused to go to bed tonight, so I finally put her in the basement, where she happily watched a movie while I ran on the treadmill. Afterward I was stretching when she ran to me and threw her little arms around my neck, followed by a slobbery kiss. It was so rewarding, I couldn't help but cuddle her while I finished stretching, she perfectly content. I'm grateful I got an extra hour with her tonight, and had no idea children could be so fun at such a young age. That hug and kiss made my entire day worth it.
Lately, I've made a very conscious effort to give Gracie my full attention each day. It's easy to get caught up in the demands of life and find the day has ended with far too little attention given to that which matters most. I'm learning to choose my battles and focus my priorities, which often means I go to bed happily exhausted with a less-than-perfect home. Well worth the trade.
TODAY'S FOCUS: The demands of life tug at us from every angle, and the need to prioritize is an absolute necessity. Superfluous fillers deceive us, while hours and days are spent doing second things first and leaving us unfulfilled. Choose fulfillment, because success without fulfillment is failure.
I used to think we could have our cake and eat it too, but I'm learning we're not meant to have the best of all worlds. We were meant, however, to determine our passions, manage our desires, and focus on that which is most important - often requiring sacrifice of the good in exchange for the great. There are only so many hours in a day, and so many things we can do, and still do well. Prioritizing is a moment-to-moment necessity, so that which we value most is revealed through the actions we choose in those moments.
QUOTE: "Success is only another form of failure if we forget what our priorities should be." -Harry Lloyd
Lately, I've made a very conscious effort to give Gracie my full attention each day. It's easy to get caught up in the demands of life and find the day has ended with far too little attention given to that which matters most. I'm learning to choose my battles and focus my priorities, which often means I go to bed happily exhausted with a less-than-perfect home. Well worth the trade.
TODAY'S FOCUS: The demands of life tug at us from every angle, and the need to prioritize is an absolute necessity. Superfluous fillers deceive us, while hours and days are spent doing second things first and leaving us unfulfilled. Choose fulfillment, because success without fulfillment is failure.
I used to think we could have our cake and eat it too, but I'm learning we're not meant to have the best of all worlds. We were meant, however, to determine our passions, manage our desires, and focus on that which is most important - often requiring sacrifice of the good in exchange for the great. There are only so many hours in a day, and so many things we can do, and still do well. Prioritizing is a moment-to-moment necessity, so that which we value most is revealed through the actions we choose in those moments.
QUOTE: "Success is only another form of failure if we forget what our priorities should be." -Harry Lloyd
Jun 27, 2010
Day 68: The fleeting success of shortcuts
Sunday dinners with Stellar-Steve always provide great conversation, and tonight the topic was a healthy relationship.
I forgot the patience required with a budding love. It seems time is a necessary evil as emotions unfold and a foundation is built - while moral purity is the requirement to ensure clear vision, free from unnecessary confusion and premature emotions. Despite what society would have us believe, the path of ease leads to pseudo love, while that of patience and discipline leads to an abiding, healthy relationship. There are simply no shortcuts.
TODAY'S FOCUS: There are no shortcuts on any path worth traveling. How could there be? It goes against all the laws of the universe. All things in nature require time and order to reach their full measure of creation and, likewise, so do the most beautiful things in life.
There's no quick fix to a healthy body, no easy road to lasting wealth, and no shortcut to a happy marriage. It's apparent that anything worth having comes at a price, and the greater the price the greater the reward. What may appear as shortcuts along the way are, in fact, dead-ends leading to mediocrity, robbing you of the foundation you could have built. Though a shortcut may appear to work, eventually the transient foundation will crumble, leaving you discontent and unfulfilled.
QUOTE: "Too often the shortcut, the line of least resistance, is responsible for evanescent and unsatisfactory success." -Louis Binstock
I forgot the patience required with a budding love. It seems time is a necessary evil as emotions unfold and a foundation is built - while moral purity is the requirement to ensure clear vision, free from unnecessary confusion and premature emotions. Despite what society would have us believe, the path of ease leads to pseudo love, while that of patience and discipline leads to an abiding, healthy relationship. There are simply no shortcuts.
TODAY'S FOCUS: There are no shortcuts on any path worth traveling. How could there be? It goes against all the laws of the universe. All things in nature require time and order to reach their full measure of creation and, likewise, so do the most beautiful things in life.
There's no quick fix to a healthy body, no easy road to lasting wealth, and no shortcut to a happy marriage. It's apparent that anything worth having comes at a price, and the greater the price the greater the reward. What may appear as shortcuts along the way are, in fact, dead-ends leading to mediocrity, robbing you of the foundation you could have built. Though a shortcut may appear to work, eventually the transient foundation will crumble, leaving you discontent and unfulfilled.
QUOTE: "Too often the shortcut, the line of least resistance, is responsible for evanescent and unsatisfactory success." -Louis Binstock
Jun 26, 2010
Day 67: Look ahead and press to your new target
Today I ran. Far. Twelve miles, to be exact. No, not for fun! I'm training for a marathon, so long runs have become a necessary evil. I'm always inspired by the lessons gleaned while pursuing that which requires discipline. Whether it be learning the violin or throwing a football, perfecting a pirouette or mastering guitar hero (omit that), there are lessons to learn and analogies to draw from. That's one reason I love running.
The run was long, and I had several moments where I was tempted to stop altogether, feeling I could not take another step. In an effort to give one last push I would focus on a target ahead and resolve to run until I reached it, as I do on every run. As I hit my goal I would repeat the process, and repeat it again, until my desire to quit was overcome.
I must admit, today's workout took longer than I would have liked, and I couldn't help but think of "better" things I could be doing with my time. I had to remind myself, over and over, that great things take time and patience - so that's exactly what I gave. As I ignored the looming finish-line and, instead, focused on the mile in front of me, I found increased confidence, hope and, before I knew it, had finished my twelve miles. Literally, one step at a time.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Though we should look ahead, trying to look further than we can see produces discouragement - nourishing an inflated, intimidating and distorted view of our desired outcome. The trick is setting a goal, then reaching milestones along the way to achieving it. Then, when we think we can't take another step, choose the smallest of targets and hit it, then do it again.
Whether the goal is 1 mile or 26.1, taking one step at a time is a sure way to build "endurance" and spur one onward.
QUOTE: "The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one." -Mark Twain
The run was long, and I had several moments where I was tempted to stop altogether, feeling I could not take another step. In an effort to give one last push I would focus on a target ahead and resolve to run until I reached it, as I do on every run. As I hit my goal I would repeat the process, and repeat it again, until my desire to quit was overcome.
I must admit, today's workout took longer than I would have liked, and I couldn't help but think of "better" things I could be doing with my time. I had to remind myself, over and over, that great things take time and patience - so that's exactly what I gave. As I ignored the looming finish-line and, instead, focused on the mile in front of me, I found increased confidence, hope and, before I knew it, had finished my twelve miles. Literally, one step at a time.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Though we should look ahead, trying to look further than we can see produces discouragement - nourishing an inflated, intimidating and distorted view of our desired outcome. The trick is setting a goal, then reaching milestones along the way to achieving it. Then, when we think we can't take another step, choose the smallest of targets and hit it, then do it again.
Whether the goal is 1 mile or 26.1, taking one step at a time is a sure way to build "endurance" and spur one onward.
QUOTE: "The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one." -Mark Twain
Jun 25, 2010
Day 65: Growing pains
I'm going to bed physically and emotionally exhausted, yet completley satisfied! Today I faced my fears, head-on, and emerged victorious.
My x-husband was always humored by my self-assured attitude and over-confident determination. We'd be doing a little window shopping and I'd see a beautiful painting, then boldly state, "I could paint that." (Never mind the fact that I'd never picked up a paint brush in my life). We'd walk past a modern water-fountain or an artistic sink and I'd insist, "I could make that." If I saw a project of interest, I'd google it, read and research, then begin the task, admittedly leaving it half-finished while my attention was diverted to the next project. The truth is, I talk a big game, but it's not often I put myself out there and actually prove I can do what I think I can do. It's kinda scary, really. But today, I did.
A few months ago I was at a jewelry party when I thought to myself, "What a great way to make new girlfriends! I'd could do that. I'd be great at that." I decided that this was one time I was going to prove myself - perhaps more as an experiment than anything. Today was my first effort to do just that.
Have you ever approached something, dragging your feet the entire time, and knowing deep down that you were gonna quit before you even start? That was me. The task was dreaded, the anxiety overwhelming and my fear tangible. I almost gave up, and nearly called the whole thing off. Looking back, now, I feel so silly. It was much smaller than I had made it up to be, and my fears were completley unvalidated. Today I was courageous, humbled and fulfilled. Courageous because I faced my fears, humbled because I realized how fearful I was, and fulfilled because I overcame.
TODAY'S FOCUS: From the movie Shenandoah come the spoken words which inspire, “If we don’t try, we don’t do; and if we don’t do, then why are we here?” Growth occurs when we do things that stretch us, push us, and take us to the edge of uncomfortable. It's not a great place to be, but it's a wonderful place to look back on.
Truly, we don't know our limits until we muster the strength to face them, then as we experience success, a new door opens and the pattern continues, revealing doors we never knew existed. Until then, the adage holds true, "Fake it 'till you make it." Oft times, the most we can do is stand stand tall, and hope our shadow covers our fear.
QUOTE: "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." - Ambrose Redmoon
My x-husband was always humored by my self-assured attitude and over-confident determination. We'd be doing a little window shopping and I'd see a beautiful painting, then boldly state, "I could paint that." (Never mind the fact that I'd never picked up a paint brush in my life). We'd walk past a modern water-fountain or an artistic sink and I'd insist, "I could make that." If I saw a project of interest, I'd google it, read and research, then begin the task, admittedly leaving it half-finished while my attention was diverted to the next project. The truth is, I talk a big game, but it's not often I put myself out there and actually prove I can do what I think I can do. It's kinda scary, really. But today, I did.
A few months ago I was at a jewelry party when I thought to myself, "What a great way to make new girlfriends! I'd could do that. I'd be great at that." I decided that this was one time I was going to prove myself - perhaps more as an experiment than anything. Today was my first effort to do just that.
Have you ever approached something, dragging your feet the entire time, and knowing deep down that you were gonna quit before you even start? That was me. The task was dreaded, the anxiety overwhelming and my fear tangible. I almost gave up, and nearly called the whole thing off. Looking back, now, I feel so silly. It was much smaller than I had made it up to be, and my fears were completley unvalidated. Today I was courageous, humbled and fulfilled. Courageous because I faced my fears, humbled because I realized how fearful I was, and fulfilled because I overcame.
TODAY'S FOCUS: From the movie Shenandoah come the spoken words which inspire, “If we don’t try, we don’t do; and if we don’t do, then why are we here?” Growth occurs when we do things that stretch us, push us, and take us to the edge of uncomfortable. It's not a great place to be, but it's a wonderful place to look back on.
Truly, we don't know our limits until we muster the strength to face them, then as we experience success, a new door opens and the pattern continues, revealing doors we never knew existed. Until then, the adage holds true, "Fake it 'till you make it." Oft times, the most we can do is stand stand tall, and hope our shadow covers our fear.
QUOTE: "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." - Ambrose Redmoon
Jun 24, 2010
Day 66: To magnify happiness - share it
Tonight I caught a glimpse of the little girl inside my baby, and was left in absolute awe. She is growing so quickly, and the joy she brings me is incommunicable. We just got back from the fair, where we spent a great night with friends and she enjoyed her first ride ever - cars. As I sat her down, she immediately latched to the steering wheel and looked up in pride, smiling while showing off her mad steering skills. The ride began and I would cheer and clap each time she'd pass, then watch her face light up and follow me as far as her little neck could rotate. Her smile was priceless and her excitement in finding me with each rotation left tears in my eyes. My heart took a picture, and I thought to myself, "I will never forget this moment," followed immediately by, "I only wish Stellar-Steve were here to share it."
I had a wonderful time with my friends, but there's something to be said about sharing life's greatest moments with someone you love.
TODAY'S FOCUS: We need each-other. We need friendship. We need love. God never intended for man to be alone and, it seems, we've been given one another to amplify our happiness and consummate our joy.
In sharing life with another, good is magnified into great, and joy is transformed into exuberance. We find solace in moments of sorrow and synergy in moments of happiness. All things are better with love... and that, alone, makes love worth the risk. Not just any love or any risk, but a worthy love and righteous risk.
QUOTE: “Happiness is like a kiss... you must share it to enjoy it." -Bernard Meltzer
I had a wonderful time with my friends, but there's something to be said about sharing life's greatest moments with someone you love.
TODAY'S FOCUS: We need each-other. We need friendship. We need love. God never intended for man to be alone and, it seems, we've been given one another to amplify our happiness and consummate our joy.
In sharing life with another, good is magnified into great, and joy is transformed into exuberance. We find solace in moments of sorrow and synergy in moments of happiness. All things are better with love... and that, alone, makes love worth the risk. Not just any love or any risk, but a worthy love and righteous risk.
QUOTE: “Happiness is like a kiss... you must share it to enjoy it." -Bernard Meltzer
Jun 23, 2010
Day 64: Our decisions define us
Tonight I had a plan. Karate at 6:00, grocery shopping at 7:30 and a social gathering at 9:00. What I planned and what I did were two very different things. You guessed it... I couldn't go more than two days without seeing Stellar-Steve.
We were talking as he drove home from work, when my constant lamenting finally broke him. He spontaneously turned around and the journey to my home began. I was ecstatic, yet fought an inner battle, calling him every five minutes in an effort to convince myself that he shouldn't come over. He would get on the off-ramp to turn around and, at the last moment, I would retract my words and plead for his arrival. We'd laugh, hang up the phone and repeat the pattern five minutes later. I think he drove through every off-ramp along the way, when I realized he was only minutes from my home. I called in one last effort to honor my commitment. "Where are you?" I asked, both excited and panicked. "A mile away. But I can turn around. Just tell me to turn around and I will." I held my breath and pulled every think-cord taut. (Yes, think-cord. It's a very technical term). I was too late. His car appeared around the corner and my washy resolve was replaced with utter beatification. He threw his car into park, a very sloppy parking job, and his stalwart charge was met by my unrestrained skip. How did I ever expect to go a week without him?
The evening was spent with friends at a lake and, afterward, we enjoyed a late-night burger in the warm summer night. A lake has never looked so beautiful and a burger never tasted so good.
Stellar-Steve was sharing a conversion he had with his boss concerning decisions, and how they serve as the final form of communication. This got me thinking.... I'm disappointed I didn't keep my personal commitment, but my decision tonight was a clear indicator of where my heart stands. My new approach? Simply spend less time with Stellar-Steve, as going without him is unrealistic. As hard as it may be... two or three days a week will have to suffice. Same outcome, better approach.
TODAY'S FOCUS: The old cliche holds true..."Actions speak louder than words." Our decisions, good or bad, are the fruits of our thoughts, a sonogram of the heart and the ultimate instrument of communication. We can talk big, make plans and set goals all day long, but it's the decisions we make that prove our intentions. It's not our words that define us, but our actions.
QUOTE: "Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold - but so does a hard-boiled egg." -Anonymous
We were talking as he drove home from work, when my constant lamenting finally broke him. He spontaneously turned around and the journey to my home began. I was ecstatic, yet fought an inner battle, calling him every five minutes in an effort to convince myself that he shouldn't come over. He would get on the off-ramp to turn around and, at the last moment, I would retract my words and plead for his arrival. We'd laugh, hang up the phone and repeat the pattern five minutes later. I think he drove through every off-ramp along the way, when I realized he was only minutes from my home. I called in one last effort to honor my commitment. "Where are you?" I asked, both excited and panicked. "A mile away. But I can turn around. Just tell me to turn around and I will." I held my breath and pulled every think-cord taut. (Yes, think-cord. It's a very technical term). I was too late. His car appeared around the corner and my washy resolve was replaced with utter beatification. He threw his car into park, a very sloppy parking job, and his stalwart charge was met by my unrestrained skip. How did I ever expect to go a week without him?
The evening was spent with friends at a lake and, afterward, we enjoyed a late-night burger in the warm summer night. A lake has never looked so beautiful and a burger never tasted so good.
Stellar-Steve was sharing a conversion he had with his boss concerning decisions, and how they serve as the final form of communication. This got me thinking.... I'm disappointed I didn't keep my personal commitment, but my decision tonight was a clear indicator of where my heart stands. My new approach? Simply spend less time with Stellar-Steve, as going without him is unrealistic. As hard as it may be... two or three days a week will have to suffice. Same outcome, better approach.
TODAY'S FOCUS: The old cliche holds true..."Actions speak louder than words." Our decisions, good or bad, are the fruits of our thoughts, a sonogram of the heart and the ultimate instrument of communication. We can talk big, make plans and set goals all day long, but it's the decisions we make that prove our intentions. It's not our words that define us, but our actions.
QUOTE: "Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold - but so does a hard-boiled egg." -Anonymous
Jun 22, 2010
Day 63: Experience renewal by inviting adventure
Tonight's run was simply awe-inspiring. I've ran the same path for over a year, and for over a year I've appreciated the beauty it offers. It intertwines with the golf-course and winds along a tree-lined street, the center of which is covered with lush landscaping. I run over bridges and past several man-made streams and lakes... but today I decided to run along the lake, instead of past it. There's a sign at the entrance, informing the public that only owners and their employees are allowed on the path. After a year of adhering to it, my curiosity finally got the best of me. I took a new path. (rebellious, I know)
I'm baffled at the intensified beauty only three minutes off my usual path, and had no idea such a serene scene could be found so near my home. Frankly, I feel robbed to have just discovered it now. Ducks meandered near the sidewalk while butterflies frolicked among the breath-taking landscape. The sun cast an artistic sheen off the water and bathed the hills behind it in hazy golden shadows. If I didn't have my daughter with me I would've sat down to savor the scene. It was truly right out of the movies... and there all along! Who knew?
TODAY'S FOCUS: Break the chain of routine by doing something adventurous. Whether it's big or small.... every creative action leads to self-discovery, and self-discovery promotes fulfillment. Take the scenic route to work, order something new at your favorite restaurant, experience sky-diving or simply smile at the next person to cut you off in traffic. (I'm not sure which requires more courage, skydiving or being cheerful in traffic). Live with your eyes wide open and practice the art of adventure on a regular basis, because security leads to stagnation.
QUOTE: "It is in the compelling zest of high adventure... and in creative action, that man finds his supreme joys." -Antoine de Saint-Exupery
I'm baffled at the intensified beauty only three minutes off my usual path, and had no idea such a serene scene could be found so near my home. Frankly, I feel robbed to have just discovered it now. Ducks meandered near the sidewalk while butterflies frolicked among the breath-taking landscape. The sun cast an artistic sheen off the water and bathed the hills behind it in hazy golden shadows. If I didn't have my daughter with me I would've sat down to savor the scene. It was truly right out of the movies... and there all along! Who knew?
TODAY'S FOCUS: Break the chain of routine by doing something adventurous. Whether it's big or small.... every creative action leads to self-discovery, and self-discovery promotes fulfillment. Take the scenic route to work, order something new at your favorite restaurant, experience sky-diving or simply smile at the next person to cut you off in traffic. (I'm not sure which requires more courage, skydiving or being cheerful in traffic). Live with your eyes wide open and practice the art of adventure on a regular basis, because security leads to stagnation.
QUOTE: "It is in the compelling zest of high adventure... and in creative action, that man finds his supreme joys." -Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Jun 21, 2010
Day 62: Defeat isn't bitter if you don't swallow it.
My little Gracie just went to bed... or so I think. I give her 10 minutes before she's ready to play. Call me a bad momma, but tonight that's just not gonna happen. (I'd better type fast).
Today has not been one of my finer days, to say the least. Though I was a great mother, it seems everything else was thrown into complete mayhem. Gracie's room was hit by a small tornado and officially shares the acrid smell of the nearby landfill. (Mental note to self: air it out tomorrow). I'm in awe at the day's damage, made manifest in every room of the house. (There she goes, throwing her bottle on the floor. I have 3 minutes before she starts crying. Type faster). As I sit here typing, two reese's cups wait patiently at my side, begging my attention. Insidious little guys. I must resist.
I'll cut this pity-party short, but trust me when I say the day has been long. In this moment I feel defeated, but I stubbornly refuse to let one bad day spoil an incredible month. I'm going to bed, trusting that tomorrow will be better. (If this is what I can expect every day without Stellar-Steve, then it's gonna be an awfully long week)!
TODAY'S FOCUS: As the proverb goes, "Defeat isn't bitter if you don't swallow it." Regardless of what a bad day might bring, if you can look to tomorrow with hope, then you're not defeated at all. Resist the urge to surrender to a bitter moment, and trust that tomorrow you'll emerge stronger for enduring it.
QUOTE: "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.” -Helen Keller
Today has not been one of my finer days, to say the least. Though I was a great mother, it seems everything else was thrown into complete mayhem. Gracie's room was hit by a small tornado and officially shares the acrid smell of the nearby landfill. (Mental note to self: air it out tomorrow). I'm in awe at the day's damage, made manifest in every room of the house. (There she goes, throwing her bottle on the floor. I have 3 minutes before she starts crying. Type faster). As I sit here typing, two reese's cups wait patiently at my side, begging my attention. Insidious little guys. I must resist.
I'll cut this pity-party short, but trust me when I say the day has been long. In this moment I feel defeated, but I stubbornly refuse to let one bad day spoil an incredible month. I'm going to bed, trusting that tomorrow will be better. (If this is what I can expect every day without Stellar-Steve, then it's gonna be an awfully long week)!
TODAY'S FOCUS: As the proverb goes, "Defeat isn't bitter if you don't swallow it." Regardless of what a bad day might bring, if you can look to tomorrow with hope, then you're not defeated at all. Resist the urge to surrender to a bitter moment, and trust that tomorrow you'll emerge stronger for enduring it.
QUOTE: "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.” -Helen Keller
Jun 20, 2010
Day 61: A healthy body cultivates a healthy mind
It's official: I feel like garbage. I've neglected my health these past few weeks, and it's starting to catch up to me. My energy is depleted and the lack of sleep has left me with excruciating muscle-tension and incessant headaches. (And I wonder why I'm so irritable). Speaking of irritable... my clothes have gotten tighter. That's irritating. Surely it can't be from the unremitting social-eating I've indulged in. Nope. Must be the dryer.
It's time to refocus and return to the Natalie that exercises hard, eats healthy and sleeps long. Ok... maybe not long, but going to bed before midnight would be a welcomed change. I need to resume my good habits and catch-up on that which I've put off - starting with my health. I'm the type that will postpone responsibilities just to spend one more minute with the one I love. I did it in marriage, and I'm doing it in dating. I'm not proud of this habit, and it's one I need to break, hence, I'm taking an entire week away from Stellar-Steve. Don't get me wrong, he's great for me, but I know my faults and need to learn how to continue life even while falling in love. Drastic? Perhaps, but that's how I roll. (I'm hoping he'll benefit from the "time-off" as well). Tomorrow will be the first day in over a month that we've gone without seeing each-other. Woe is me.
I keep reminding myself that a little discipline never hurt anyone and, though my heart might ache, my mind and body will thank me. So will my skinny-jeans. Wish me luck.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Treat your body with respect, for it truly is the temple that houses your spirit. There is an undeniable link between physical health and spiritual development, hence when we impair our physical health by foolish choices, our spirit suffers as well. Optimal living demands optimal health, so take control of your body and start enjoying the benefits now, one day at a time.
QUOTE: "To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear." -Buddha
It's time to refocus and return to the Natalie that exercises hard, eats healthy and sleeps long. Ok... maybe not long, but going to bed before midnight would be a welcomed change. I need to resume my good habits and catch-up on that which I've put off - starting with my health. I'm the type that will postpone responsibilities just to spend one more minute with the one I love. I did it in marriage, and I'm doing it in dating. I'm not proud of this habit, and it's one I need to break, hence, I'm taking an entire week away from Stellar-Steve. Don't get me wrong, he's great for me, but I know my faults and need to learn how to continue life even while falling in love. Drastic? Perhaps, but that's how I roll. (I'm hoping he'll benefit from the "time-off" as well). Tomorrow will be the first day in over a month that we've gone without seeing each-other. Woe is me.
I keep reminding myself that a little discipline never hurt anyone and, though my heart might ache, my mind and body will thank me. So will my skinny-jeans. Wish me luck.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Treat your body with respect, for it truly is the temple that houses your spirit. There is an undeniable link between physical health and spiritual development, hence when we impair our physical health by foolish choices, our spirit suffers as well. Optimal living demands optimal health, so take control of your body and start enjoying the benefits now, one day at a time.
QUOTE: "To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear." -Buddha
Jun 18, 2010
Day 59: To overcome the humdrum...
Tonight I went country dancing with some girlfriends. I haven't danced in nearly 9 years, and almost forgot how fun it is. I had a great time, laughed much and even made some new friends. Though I longed to be with Stellar-Steve, I convinced myself that time with the ladies was healthy and exactly what I needed. I was right.
I often ask myself, "What could I have done differently in my marriage?" Whether it would or wouldn't have changed outcome... the question has provided an enlightening journey of self-discovery. One answer, is that I would've had closer girlfriends and been more highly involved in my own interests. Since my divorce I've focused on doing just that and, though it has required a conscious effort and stepping out of my comfort zone, it has proven rewarding.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Pursue a new interest. Take up quilting, join a softball league or learn a foreign language. There is strength in being your own person, having your own interests and getting involved in your own hobbies. It certainly takes effort, but keeps life fresh and interesting, helping you avoid the trap of the every day humdrum. Not only will you experience fulfillment, but you'll become more interesting... and everybody is drawn to an interesting person. Simple as that. Interesting.
QUOTE: "Today is life - the only life you are sure of. Make the most of today. Get interested in something. Shake yourself awake. Develop a hobby. Let the winds of enthusiasm sweep through you. Live today with gusto." -Dale Carnegie
I often ask myself, "What could I have done differently in my marriage?" Whether it would or wouldn't have changed outcome... the question has provided an enlightening journey of self-discovery. One answer, is that I would've had closer girlfriends and been more highly involved in my own interests. Since my divorce I've focused on doing just that and, though it has required a conscious effort and stepping out of my comfort zone, it has proven rewarding.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Pursue a new interest. Take up quilting, join a softball league or learn a foreign language. There is strength in being your own person, having your own interests and getting involved in your own hobbies. It certainly takes effort, but keeps life fresh and interesting, helping you avoid the trap of the every day humdrum. Not only will you experience fulfillment, but you'll become more interesting... and everybody is drawn to an interesting person. Simple as that. Interesting.
QUOTE: "Today is life - the only life you are sure of. Make the most of today. Get interested in something. Shake yourself awake. Develop a hobby. Let the winds of enthusiasm sweep through you. Live today with gusto." -Dale Carnegie
Jun 16, 2010
Day 57: Each gift is a gift. Use it.
I just got back from meeting with the youth group, where we reviewed a skit I wrote for this year's girl's camp. It was a hit, and the girls seemed to love it, lifting a huge burden from my shoulders. Amusing teenagers is always a feat so, when accomplished, it's pretty gratifying. You could say I have a gift... but then again... I couldn't have written it without the help of my little sister and Stellar-Steve, so perhaps I don't have a gift after-all. lol (I can't argue, however, that Steve does! Who knew that I was dating such a creative writer?!) Regardless, I'm just happy it's off my mind and received well.
Shortly after my divorce I spent weeks pondering my gifts and talents, mulling over what direction to take life and how to incorporate them. I still don't have any answers. lol. It was an interesting experience, and I've become fairly aware of the gifts I have and those I would like to develop. One thing's apparent, I'm Jack of many trades, master of none. Perhaps someday...
TODAY'S FOCUS: Discerning our personal gifts is essential if we are to experience harmony in our lives. Recognize the talents you have been blessed with, then use those talents in the most fulfilling way you can envision. They are a part of you, and to deny them is to deny what makes you... you.
QUOTE: "When we talk about being true to ourselves, being the person we are intended to be, we are talking about gifts. We can not be ourselves unless we are true to our gifts." -Elizabeth o'Conner
Shortly after my divorce I spent weeks pondering my gifts and talents, mulling over what direction to take life and how to incorporate them. I still don't have any answers. lol. It was an interesting experience, and I've become fairly aware of the gifts I have and those I would like to develop. One thing's apparent, I'm Jack of many trades, master of none. Perhaps someday...
TODAY'S FOCUS: Discerning our personal gifts is essential if we are to experience harmony in our lives. Recognize the talents you have been blessed with, then use those talents in the most fulfilling way you can envision. They are a part of you, and to deny them is to deny what makes you... you.
QUOTE: "When we talk about being true to ourselves, being the person we are intended to be, we are talking about gifts. We can not be ourselves unless we are true to our gifts." -Elizabeth o'Conner
Jun 15, 2010
Day 56: Common vision produces uncommon results
During our run tonight, Stellar-Steve said, "I love running with you because you push me and make me better." I smiled inside as I thought to myself, "I push you? I wouldn't even be running today if it weren't for you, so who's really helping who?"
This is the very pattern that has left me in awe. In dating him, I constantly feel I got the better end of the deal, only to discover that he feels the same way about me. I'm stupefied at his admiration of me, which is so inflated I fear there's no way I won't fail him. Turns out he feels the same way, regarding my admiration of him. Despite these concerns, I'm intrigued how over the last few weeks our "human" sides have been revealed, yet our admiration of one-another has only grown deeper. Our mutual goals unite the desires of our heart and produce joint efforts toward our shared vision. I guess this is what it feels like to be equally yoked. Now that I know, I will never go back.
TODAY'S FOCUS: To be "unequally yoked" is a term used in the bible, referring to the wooden beam linked at the neck of two oxen, or horses. If they were “unequally yoked” or unbalanced, they could not work well as a team, as one would pull most of the weight himself, and the other lag behind, resulting in a sore neck. In being equally yoked, or balanced, the load was shared and each did their individual part, producing the most efficient results.
Take a moment to consider one area in which you may unequally yoked, due to your own falling behind, with a spouse, family member, friend or co-worker. Take today to focus on improving, then try again tomorrow. When equally yoked, those with common vision are sure to produce uncommon results, and the ordinary is transformed into the extraordinary.
QUOTE: "Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success." -Henry Ford
This is the very pattern that has left me in awe. In dating him, I constantly feel I got the better end of the deal, only to discover that he feels the same way about me. I'm stupefied at his admiration of me, which is so inflated I fear there's no way I won't fail him. Turns out he feels the same way, regarding my admiration of him. Despite these concerns, I'm intrigued how over the last few weeks our "human" sides have been revealed, yet our admiration of one-another has only grown deeper. Our mutual goals unite the desires of our heart and produce joint efforts toward our shared vision. I guess this is what it feels like to be equally yoked. Now that I know, I will never go back.
TODAY'S FOCUS: To be "unequally yoked" is a term used in the bible, referring to the wooden beam linked at the neck of two oxen, or horses. If they were “unequally yoked” or unbalanced, they could not work well as a team, as one would pull most of the weight himself, and the other lag behind, resulting in a sore neck. In being equally yoked, or balanced, the load was shared and each did their individual part, producing the most efficient results.
Take a moment to consider one area in which you may unequally yoked, due to your own falling behind, with a spouse, family member, friend or co-worker. Take today to focus on improving, then try again tomorrow. When equally yoked, those with common vision are sure to produce uncommon results, and the ordinary is transformed into the extraordinary.
QUOTE: "Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success." -Henry Ford
Jun 13, 2010
Day 54: No Risk = No reward
It's 1o:36 pm, and Stellar-Steve just left my home. I'm intrigued by our budding relationship, as it's unlike any I've ever experienced. He holds an incredibly high respect for me, and cherishes me in a way I've never known. I savor his munificence, and adore our time together.
Tonight we enjoyed Sunday dinner, a beautiful evening amble through my neighborhood, and a movie after my daughter was in bed. (Have I mentioned he does the dishes? Every night. That's right, ladies). It was the perfect end to my week, spending time with both he and Gracie. What more could I want?
As wonderful as this may be, I must admit... I'd like to know where it's heading, and how it's going to end up. I'd like to see the end from the beginning, so I can move forward without fear. That, however, eliminates the need for faith, and that is simply not the way life works. I alternate between faith and fear, but tonight I chose faith - determined to simply enjoy the gift before me and trust that it goes exactly where it's supposed to go. Sure, I'm still scared of getting hurt, but some things are worth taking a risk for.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Rewards are given to those who are willing to take risks. If the reward is big enough, the risk is worth taking, even if it ends in failure. After all, it's better to know and be disappointed then to not know and always wonder.
QUOTE: "If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll probably never do much of anything." -Win Borden
Tonight we enjoyed Sunday dinner, a beautiful evening amble through my neighborhood, and a movie after my daughter was in bed. (Have I mentioned he does the dishes? Every night. That's right, ladies). It was the perfect end to my week, spending time with both he and Gracie. What more could I want?
As wonderful as this may be, I must admit... I'd like to know where it's heading, and how it's going to end up. I'd like to see the end from the beginning, so I can move forward without fear. That, however, eliminates the need for faith, and that is simply not the way life works. I alternate between faith and fear, but tonight I chose faith - determined to simply enjoy the gift before me and trust that it goes exactly where it's supposed to go. Sure, I'm still scared of getting hurt, but some things are worth taking a risk for.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Rewards are given to those who are willing to take risks. If the reward is big enough, the risk is worth taking, even if it ends in failure. After all, it's better to know and be disappointed then to not know and always wonder.
QUOTE: "If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll probably never do much of anything." -Win Borden
Jun 11, 2010
Day 52: Pick yourself up, because temporary pain can lead to long-lasting gain
What an interesting day (for lack of better words). I was talking to a friend this morning, when she said, "Have you seen pictures of your x's baby? They had it last week." Whaaaaat?! Last week? Though I never knew the due date, I had hoped it would be later.
My gut-wrenching hindsight stole my appetite and invited tears. I took a hot, very hot, bubble bath. Come to think of it, that was the first bath I've had since my divorce. As I soaked in melancholy I listened to Michael Buble, feeling lethargic and apathetic. After a few minutes, "That's Life" came on. I heard myself laughing over the appropriate lyrics, and allowed the weight to lift from my shoulders as I smiled, took a deep breath, and enjoyed the heat surrounding me.
"That's life. That's what all the people say. You're riding high in April, you're shot down in May. I know I'm gonna change that tune when I'm back on top in June. ...I've been up and down and over and out but I know one thing. Each time I find myself, flat on this face, I pick myself up and get back in the race."
TODAY'S FOCUS: Despite inner efforts toward healing, outer events are guaranteed to take place and throw a wrench in the works, acting as pot-holes and speed bumps along the way. Expect a few of these, and trust that as you come upon them (or rather as they come upon you) you will respond appropriately, whether that means confronting the problem head on, laughing it off, or climbing into hot bubble-bath where it can melt away.
Life consists of highs and lows, so when you find yourself in a low... pick yourself up and get back in the race. A high is sure to be around the corner.
QUOTE: "Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quite, however, it lasts forever." -Lance Armstrong
My gut-wrenching hindsight stole my appetite and invited tears. I took a hot, very hot, bubble bath. Come to think of it, that was the first bath I've had since my divorce. As I soaked in melancholy I listened to Michael Buble, feeling lethargic and apathetic. After a few minutes, "That's Life" came on. I heard myself laughing over the appropriate lyrics, and allowed the weight to lift from my shoulders as I smiled, took a deep breath, and enjoyed the heat surrounding me.
"That's life. That's what all the people say. You're riding high in April, you're shot down in May. I know I'm gonna change that tune when I'm back on top in June. ...I've been up and down and over and out but I know one thing. Each time I find myself, flat on this face, I pick myself up and get back in the race."
TODAY'S FOCUS: Despite inner efforts toward healing, outer events are guaranteed to take place and throw a wrench in the works, acting as pot-holes and speed bumps along the way. Expect a few of these, and trust that as you come upon them (or rather as they come upon you) you will respond appropriately, whether that means confronting the problem head on, laughing it off, or climbing into hot bubble-bath where it can melt away.
Life consists of highs and lows, so when you find yourself in a low... pick yourself up and get back in the race. A high is sure to be around the corner.
QUOTE: "Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quite, however, it lasts forever." -Lance Armstrong
Jun 10, 2010
Day 51: Forget what fell behind and focus on what lies ahead
Today my x-husband picked up our daughter and, for a brief moment, I missed the comfort and ease of the relationship we had established over our years together. I suddenly felt overwhelmed with the fact that I have to start over, and caught a glimpse as to why so many people go back to their x. It's the familiar, comfortable thing to do. Fortunately, I understand that the path of comfort rarely gets anyone anywhere.
As past hurt swept over me, I knelt to pray for comfort and, in no less than one minute, the phone rang. It was my mom. Ten seconds later it beeped, and there was Stellar-Steve. Impressive! Only seconds behind a mother's intuition. I let my mom off the hook (no pun intended) and switched over to Steve. He listened lovingly and said all the right words, ensuring the conversation ended with a smile on my face and hope in my heart.
Though I've lost what was once familiar, I'm enjoying this foreign journey and all the growth that has come with it; a generous trade-off to say the least.
TODAY'S FOCUS: In focusing on what we've lost, we rob ourselves of this moment's opportunity to gain. Look ahead and press forward with confidence, because pining over the past is detrimental to growth, healing and happiness. Learn from experience and then use that knowledge in the here and now, trusting that it will lead you to the beautiful future awaiting. The road ahead may be uncertain, but in refusing to travel it, the road behind was taken in vain.
QUOTE: "What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now." -Anonymous
As past hurt swept over me, I knelt to pray for comfort and, in no less than one minute, the phone rang. It was my mom. Ten seconds later it beeped, and there was Stellar-Steve. Impressive! Only seconds behind a mother's intuition. I let my mom off the hook (no pun intended) and switched over to Steve. He listened lovingly and said all the right words, ensuring the conversation ended with a smile on my face and hope in my heart.
Though I've lost what was once familiar, I'm enjoying this foreign journey and all the growth that has come with it; a generous trade-off to say the least.
TODAY'S FOCUS: In focusing on what we've lost, we rob ourselves of this moment's opportunity to gain. Look ahead and press forward with confidence, because pining over the past is detrimental to growth, healing and happiness. Learn from experience and then use that knowledge in the here and now, trusting that it will lead you to the beautiful future awaiting. The road ahead may be uncertain, but in refusing to travel it, the road behind was taken in vain.
QUOTE: "What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now." -Anonymous
Jun 9, 2010
Day 50: Great haste makes great waste
Despite today's beautiful weather, leaving the house was the last thing I wanted to do. I simply felt too busy, and found myself inside working hard to get "important" things done, when Stellar-Steve called. An hour later, Gracie and I were in Salt Lake, with new-found energy, meeting him for lunch. Afterward we walked around Temple Square, or rather chased Gracie around temple square. It was so entertaining to watch her pick up her little knees like a trotting pony, as she ran giggling from one flower to the next, always looking back to ensure I was following after her.I'm so grateful Steve took the time to meet us for lunch, as it not only got me out of the house, but also produced a tender memory. The weather was ideal, the environment comforting and the company nonpareil. To slow down and watch Gracie run and explore touched my heart, and sharing those moments with Steve only compounded my joy and certainly created an afternoon to remember, in all it's perfection.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Don't let a beautiful day pass you by. Slow down (or get going) and enjoy the sun! Even if the most you can do is sit on your porch or walk to the mailbox, take a few minutes to enjoy the sun and admire the beauty of the Earth. Chances are you'll be invegorated and find energy that was nonexistent only minutes prior.
QUOTE: "Take time for all things; great haste makes great waste." -Benjamin Franklin
Jun 8, 2010
Day 49: The reward of postive approach
I don't know what's gotten into me, but I'm pretty sure I've eaten 8000 calories a day, the last 3 days. Sounds healthy, right? This morning I woke up, gave myself the "we're-gonna-eat-healthy" pep talk, and five minutes later finished breakfast, consisting of smiley-faced gummies, french-silk pie and handfuls of shredded coconut with butterscotch chips. Next I meandered into my basement and ransacked my treat drawer, eating enough startbursts and rolos to make even Kirstie Alley ashamed (bless her heart). I opened my pantry and devoured the unsuspecting goldfish and animal crackers. They didn't stand a chance. I knew, even as I was eating, that I was gonna hate myself if I didn't go running, so I put on my gear and reluctantly headed out the door.
I usually enjoy my run, but today that was far from the case. Instead of relishing in the positive energy I usually feel, I was consumed with guilt and negativity, my motivation to run derived from self-punishment. It was the longest, most unrewarding five miles I've ever experienced. During it, Stellar-Steve sent me a text, suggesting we go on a run after work. "Sure," I thought. "I could use the extra exercise."
Through-out the day my mood lifted, and as I completed my evening run with Steve I was surprised to find myself happy, rejuvenated and full of self-love - a far cry from this morning's experience.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Interesting how the exact same task can leave us unfulfilled or completley satisfied, depending on our approach to it. Our motivation might be to avoid pain or to produce pleasure, but in either case, the doing needs done so you might as well focus on the reward and press forward, because positive thinking will always produce better results than the alternative.
QUOTE: “There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." -W. Clement Stone
I usually enjoy my run, but today that was far from the case. Instead of relishing in the positive energy I usually feel, I was consumed with guilt and negativity, my motivation to run derived from self-punishment. It was the longest, most unrewarding five miles I've ever experienced. During it, Stellar-Steve sent me a text, suggesting we go on a run after work. "Sure," I thought. "I could use the extra exercise."
Through-out the day my mood lifted, and as I completed my evening run with Steve I was surprised to find myself happy, rejuvenated and full of self-love - a far cry from this morning's experience.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Interesting how the exact same task can leave us unfulfilled or completley satisfied, depending on our approach to it. Our motivation might be to avoid pain or to produce pleasure, but in either case, the doing needs done so you might as well focus on the reward and press forward, because positive thinking will always produce better results than the alternative.
QUOTE: “There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative." -W. Clement Stone
Jun 7, 2010
Day 48: Responsibility: The Ability to respond
I've had a long day, full of good and bad. In an effort to control of my mood, I was reading funny quotes when a friend called to ask a favor. "It's been awhile! How are you?" I asked, surprised to hear from her. "Divorced, but other than that I'm good." My heart dropped and tears welled up, as the tone in her voice clearly trivialized her broken marriage.
I hung up the phone, discouraged, when it rang in my hand. It was Stellar-Steve. I wanted to be positive... but I just couldn't. After a few minutes of talking he said, "Sounds like you could use an almond joy." Right then my doorbell rang and there he stood, smiling, with an almond joy in his hand. He had driven an hour just to give me a candy bar (ok he also might have wanted to see me). His timing was impeccable, and as I threw my arms around his neck I couldn't help but cry. I'm sure it's not the welcome he'd hoped for, nevertheless, he showed selfless empathy, and his presence provided comfort in my exact moment of need. What a perfect surprise.
I have had three friends divorce since mine, and every time it hits a little too close to home. Seeing the deceit so many fall into leaves me heartbroken and riled up. I was having one of these moments when I realized I was destroying a great memory-in-progress by letting my sorrow consume me, when I could have been relishing in Steve's surprise visit. I admitted I was helping no-one, reluctantly let go of my anguish, gathered my composure and chose to let go of all frustrations. Once I was in control of my re-action, I was able to savor the moment and create a memory that ended my day beautifully.
TODAY'S FOCUS: We can not control the actions of another but, ironically, when we re-act in a negative way to their choices, we allow them to control us. Monitor your reactions, take responsibility for your ability to respond, then make changes accordingly. As we improve our reactions, we improve our present moment... and as we improve our present moment we create a past we can look back on with a smile.
QUOTE: "You must take responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of." -Jim Rohn
I hung up the phone, discouraged, when it rang in my hand. It was Stellar-Steve. I wanted to be positive... but I just couldn't. After a few minutes of talking he said, "Sounds like you could use an almond joy." Right then my doorbell rang and there he stood, smiling, with an almond joy in his hand. He had driven an hour just to give me a candy bar (ok he also might have wanted to see me). His timing was impeccable, and as I threw my arms around his neck I couldn't help but cry. I'm sure it's not the welcome he'd hoped for, nevertheless, he showed selfless empathy, and his presence provided comfort in my exact moment of need. What a perfect surprise.
I have had three friends divorce since mine, and every time it hits a little too close to home. Seeing the deceit so many fall into leaves me heartbroken and riled up. I was having one of these moments when I realized I was destroying a great memory-in-progress by letting my sorrow consume me, when I could have been relishing in Steve's surprise visit. I admitted I was helping no-one, reluctantly let go of my anguish, gathered my composure and chose to let go of all frustrations. Once I was in control of my re-action, I was able to savor the moment and create a memory that ended my day beautifully.
TODAY'S FOCUS: We can not control the actions of another but, ironically, when we re-act in a negative way to their choices, we allow them to control us. Monitor your reactions, take responsibility for your ability to respond, then make changes accordingly. As we improve our reactions, we improve our present moment... and as we improve our present moment we create a past we can look back on with a smile.
QUOTE: "You must take responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of." -Jim Rohn
Jun 6, 2010
Day 47: Gratitude and growth through trials
My heart is full. I echo the words I heard in church today... "I am grateful for my trials." I have mulled over these thoughts for months, but sharing them has never felt quite right. It's hard to find words that convey gratitude and forgiveness without sounding self-righteous and indifferent. I hope to express the prior. It would be malapropos to thank my x-husband, yet I feel a strange appreciation for my divorce, as it has made me a better person and opened opportunity that would have never come otherwise. My greatest trial has become my greatest blessing.
Today I realized I have been divorced for seven months, almost to the day. Looking back, it has gone by fast, but at the time there were months that seemed would never end and days I feared would last forever. The first two months were spent recuperating from shock, as I had gone from happily married (or so I thought) to divorced in less than six weeks. I was flung onto an unknown road I never fathomed I'd have to travel. January was the longest, loneliest month of all. I remember telling myself daily, "If I can just get through today, tomorrow will arrive, and if I can just do that 28 (22, 17, 6, 3) more times, February will finally be here." February arrived, and with it, greater hope. As the months passed, each has brought certain growth and gradual healing. Now, here I sit, baffled over how quickly June is passing. Finally. Clocks have sped up again.
I have gleaned invaluable strength and life-changing knowledge which was foreign just seven short months ago. The opportunity in my trial is apparent, and I've learned things I never knew I never knew. My bitterness is subsiding, as the beauty of my circumstance continues to unfold. I am grateful. I am blessed.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Trials are a sign of life, and no-one passes through unscathed. Storms will arise, but it's the very rain from those which will encourage dormant seeds to bloom.
In 2005 California experience tremendous rains, producing landslides and wreaking havoc. This same rain generated the largest wildflower bloom in living memory over Death Valley. Seeds that had lied dormant for hundreds of years bloomed into over 50 varieties of wildflowers, and the valley was covered in waves of gold, purple and white, while a large lake formed in the basin at Badwater - the lowest point in North America. It was a phenomenon unlike any in recorded history.
What may appear ugly, bleak and hopeless can be transformed into an awe-inspiring scene, if we allow the rain in our lives to produce blooms. Find the opportunity in your trial and capitalize on it, through which you'll discover a beauty that you never knew you had. Rain of life is guaranteed, but blooming of dormant seeds is up to us.
Today I realized I have been divorced for seven months, almost to the day. Looking back, it has gone by fast, but at the time there were months that seemed would never end and days I feared would last forever. The first two months were spent recuperating from shock, as I had gone from happily married (or so I thought) to divorced in less than six weeks. I was flung onto an unknown road I never fathomed I'd have to travel. January was the longest, loneliest month of all. I remember telling myself daily, "If I can just get through today, tomorrow will arrive, and if I can just do that 28 (22, 17, 6, 3) more times, February will finally be here." February arrived, and with it, greater hope. As the months passed, each has brought certain growth and gradual healing. Now, here I sit, baffled over how quickly June is passing. Finally. Clocks have sped up again.
I have gleaned invaluable strength and life-changing knowledge which was foreign just seven short months ago. The opportunity in my trial is apparent, and I've learned things I never knew I never knew. My bitterness is subsiding, as the beauty of my circumstance continues to unfold. I am grateful. I am blessed.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Trials are a sign of life, and no-one passes through unscathed. Storms will arise, but it's the very rain from those which will encourage dormant seeds to bloom.
In 2005 California experience tremendous rains, producing landslides and wreaking havoc. This same rain generated the largest wildflower bloom in living memory over Death Valley. Seeds that had lied dormant for hundreds of years bloomed into over 50 varieties of wildflowers, and the valley was covered in waves of gold, purple and white, while a large lake formed in the basin at Badwater - the lowest point in North America. It was a phenomenon unlike any in recorded history.
What may appear ugly, bleak and hopeless can be transformed into an awe-inspiring scene, if we allow the rain in our lives to produce blooms. Find the opportunity in your trial and capitalize on it, through which you'll discover a beauty that you never knew you had. Rain of life is guaranteed, but blooming of dormant seeds is up to us.QUOTE: "Out of the refiner’s fire can come a glorious deliverance. It can be a noble and lasting rebirth. The price to become acquainted with God will have been paid. There can come a sacred peace. There will be a reawakening of dormant, inner resources. A comfortable cloak of righteousness will be drawn around us to protect us and to keep us warm spiritually. Self-pity will vanish as our blessings are counted." -James E. Faust
Jun 5, 2010
Day 46: Breathe. Live. Now... because project management is not an option.
Another brilliant day with Stellar-Steve! It began with an afternoon hike to "Waterfall," followed by dinner and frozen yogurt with a couple of our friends, and ended with a late-night run along a quiet street under the stars. (Who knew a run could be so romantic)?
I am clearly smitten with him, yet fears of the future beg my attention, and I cannot feign complete trust (through no fault of his own). Naturally, our conversations often revolve around my fears-of-this and what-if's-that, today being no exception. As we discussed the direction of our relationship I began "the big speech" with my usual, "In 3 months when... Maybe 30 days from now... Come December I'll..." Steve got a little smile. "What?" I asked. "Natalie, you can't project manage life. You can set all the time-lines you want, but life is happening regardless. Right now. Life is happening and you're in it." How very true! Perhaps it's time to release my anxieties and allow "now" to pour over me - for now only happens once.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Life is NOW, so honor the present moment by living today... today. Enjoy the present, forgive the past and trust in the future. Living in the present, however, is not always easy and requires the release of fear and surrender of control... or at least what we perceive to be control.
We imagine we can control an outcome by performing "x" which, in our compartmentalized mind, will result in "y" and ultimately lead to "z." This is great thinking for logical goals, but when it comes to emotion-based experiences we have little control, and goals (my goals at-least) act more like a defense mechanism than a true attempt to propel forward in growth. In any case, planning as a means to avoid pain and suffering only creates a back-door entrance for anxiety, robbing us of the present moment.
There is freedom in simply taking a deep breath, releasing fears and expectations and rolling with the punches, trusting that "x-y-z" will unfold exactly as it's supposed to. Besides, if we could always plan and execute "x-y-z," imagine how stale and boring life would become.
QUOTE: "As soon as you honor the present moment, all unhappiness and struggle dissolve, and life begins to flow with joy and ease. When you act out the present-moment awareness, whatever you do becomes imbued with a sense of quality, care, and love - even the most simple action." -Eckhart Tolle (Author of "The Power of Now.")
I am clearly smitten with him, yet fears of the future beg my attention, and I cannot feign complete trust (through no fault of his own). Naturally, our conversations often revolve around my fears-of-this and what-if's-that, today being no exception. As we discussed the direction of our relationship I began "the big speech" with my usual, "In 3 months when... Maybe 30 days from now... Come December I'll..." Steve got a little smile. "What?" I asked. "Natalie, you can't project manage life. You can set all the time-lines you want, but life is happening regardless. Right now. Life is happening and you're in it." How very true! Perhaps it's time to release my anxieties and allow "now" to pour over me - for now only happens once.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Life is NOW, so honor the present moment by living today... today. Enjoy the present, forgive the past and trust in the future. Living in the present, however, is not always easy and requires the release of fear and surrender of control... or at least what we perceive to be control.
We imagine we can control an outcome by performing "x" which, in our compartmentalized mind, will result in "y" and ultimately lead to "z." This is great thinking for logical goals, but when it comes to emotion-based experiences we have little control, and goals (my goals at-least) act more like a defense mechanism than a true attempt to propel forward in growth. In any case, planning as a means to avoid pain and suffering only creates a back-door entrance for anxiety, robbing us of the present moment.
There is freedom in simply taking a deep breath, releasing fears and expectations and rolling with the punches, trusting that "x-y-z" will unfold exactly as it's supposed to. Besides, if we could always plan and execute "x-y-z," imagine how stale and boring life would become.
QUOTE: "As soon as you honor the present moment, all unhappiness and struggle dissolve, and life begins to flow with joy and ease. When you act out the present-moment awareness, whatever you do becomes imbued with a sense of quality, care, and love - even the most simple action." -Eckhart Tolle (Author of "The Power of Now.")
Jun 4, 2010
Day 45: Earning Self-Confidence
Today was my non-fabulous day. (Great name, eh? I stole it from a friend). You know... the day I catch up on life and give my attention to non-fabulous things like laundry, cleaning my fridge, paying bills, making phone calls and running errands. These ugly chores were the last thing I wanted to do... which was my very reason to do them. As I was completing my daily run (which I also didn't want to do) I was reminded of how great it feels to push through lazy tendencies and, instead, find discipline to meet the expectations I have of myself. This spurred me on to continue this pattern when I got home, and I ended my day on a high and productive note - a most rewarding experience.
Oh, the sense of accomplishment achieved in tackling something you don't want to do. I seem to breathe a little deeper, stand a little taller and focus a little sharper on where I'm going, who I am and what I want.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Nothing builds self-confidence quite like accomplishment. Self-esteem is earned, and not the result of validation from those around your or the love you receive from another. It's derived from being your best self and knowing that you're giving life your all - especially in those moments when it's the last thing you want to do.
QUOTE: "In my day, we didn't have self-esteem, we had self-respect, and no more of it than we had earned." -Jane Haddam
Oh, the sense of accomplishment achieved in tackling something you don't want to do. I seem to breathe a little deeper, stand a little taller and focus a little sharper on where I'm going, who I am and what I want.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Nothing builds self-confidence quite like accomplishment. Self-esteem is earned, and not the result of validation from those around your or the love you receive from another. It's derived from being your best self and knowing that you're giving life your all - especially in those moments when it's the last thing you want to do.
QUOTE: "In my day, we didn't have self-esteem, we had self-respect, and no more of it than we had earned." -Jane Haddam
Jun 3, 2010
Day 44: Procrastination: A favorite form of self-sabotage
4am is finally catching up to me. It's not that I want to stay up 'till 4... it's just that my mind won't let me sleep. Last night was one of those nights, so today I decided I would do next-to-nothing and just enjoy some "time off" of life. I don't know why I thought that would be a good idea.
I found myself lying in bed all day, trying to catch up on my blog while eating chocolate chips and starbursts. Sounds fulfilling, I know. lol. (ironic, that is exactly what I'm doing this moment). Naturally I felt like crap, decided to call my day a wash and go to bed early for once in my life - and by early I mean 6pm. I was SO tired and had no motivation to do anything. Just then Stellar-Steve called and asked what I was doing. "Nothing. Laying in bed. You?" "Just heading out the door for my run." he replied. "I should go running." I said, somewhat defeated. "You should! Do it. Hurry and get ready, we'll run at the same time." I laughed, but his enthusiasm sparked something in me and two minutes later I found myself in running clothes, stupefied over his great influence. I'll admit, I didn't find the ambition to do my usual 5 miles... but 4 was good enough. lol (is it weird that I always "lol" on my blog? .... hu.) I got home and went right to work cleaning my house while listening to an audiobook. I even mopped. :)
I got so much done tonight - all things I was procrastinating and planned on doing tomorrow. My burden is now lighter, thanks to the motivation my Steve sparked. It's both refreshing and eye-opening to be with someone who lifts me in every facet of life. I am blessed.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Never put off until tomorrow what can be done today. Ok, I'm the first to admit I don't practice what I preach here, but I can certainly attest to the draining affects and heavy toll procrastination can take on your life. It's been described as many things: "thief of time, opportunity's natural assassin, and favorite form of self-sabotage," but no matter how you look at it, putting off today's duties until tomorrow only doubles our burden to bear, and that burden can get pretty weighty pretty quick. The best way to get something done is to begin... and if you have a friend that motivates you to begin... even better!
QUOTE: "To think too long about doing a thing often becomes its undoing." -Eva Young
I found myself lying in bed all day, trying to catch up on my blog while eating chocolate chips and starbursts. Sounds fulfilling, I know. lol. (ironic, that is exactly what I'm doing this moment). Naturally I felt like crap, decided to call my day a wash and go to bed early for once in my life - and by early I mean 6pm. I was SO tired and had no motivation to do anything. Just then Stellar-Steve called and asked what I was doing. "Nothing. Laying in bed. You?" "Just heading out the door for my run." he replied. "I should go running." I said, somewhat defeated. "You should! Do it. Hurry and get ready, we'll run at the same time." I laughed, but his enthusiasm sparked something in me and two minutes later I found myself in running clothes, stupefied over his great influence. I'll admit, I didn't find the ambition to do my usual 5 miles... but 4 was good enough. lol (is it weird that I always "lol" on my blog? .... hu.) I got home and went right to work cleaning my house while listening to an audiobook. I even mopped. :)
I got so much done tonight - all things I was procrastinating and planned on doing tomorrow. My burden is now lighter, thanks to the motivation my Steve sparked. It's both refreshing and eye-opening to be with someone who lifts me in every facet of life. I am blessed.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Never put off until tomorrow what can be done today. Ok, I'm the first to admit I don't practice what I preach here, but I can certainly attest to the draining affects and heavy toll procrastination can take on your life. It's been described as many things: "thief of time, opportunity's natural assassin, and favorite form of self-sabotage," but no matter how you look at it, putting off today's duties until tomorrow only doubles our burden to bear, and that burden can get pretty weighty pretty quick. The best way to get something done is to begin... and if you have a friend that motivates you to begin... even better!
QUOTE: "To think too long about doing a thing often becomes its undoing." -Eva Young
Jun 2, 2010
Day 43: Growth IS optional, change is not.
Today was wonderful! I was lucky enough to get my daughter for a few extra hours... so we played, laughed and went on a few walks to enjoy the sun. Her little personality is coming out, and watching her grow leaves me in awe. After her father picked her up I went to lunch with a couple girlfriends. Of-course, Stellar-Steve was the topic of conversation and they insisted on all the details. As the conversation came to a close my friend said, "Nat, I notice a difference in you. You've grown these last 10 days. You're stronger." Interesting... Steve said the same thing to me last night. Indeed, I have grown. I guess that's what happens when you welcome change, rather than run from it.
TODAY'S FOCUS: Embrace change. Face your fears and challenge your doubts. We don't grow by coasting through in life, rather by making the most of every problem and opportunity that comes our way.
QUOTE: “If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we are not really living." -Gail Sheehy
TODAY'S FOCUS: Embrace change. Face your fears and challenge your doubts. We don't grow by coasting through in life, rather by making the most of every problem and opportunity that comes our way.
QUOTE: “If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we are not really living." -Gail Sheehy
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