Tonight I had a plan. Karate at 6:00, grocery shopping at 7:30 and a social gathering at 9:00. What I planned and what I did were two very different things. You guessed it... I couldn't go more than two days without seeing Stellar-Steve.
We were talking as he drove home from work, when my constant lamenting finally broke him. He spontaneously turned around and the journey to my home began. I was ecstatic, yet fought an inner battle, calling him every five minutes in an effort to convince myself that he shouldn't come over. He would get on the off-ramp to turn around and, at the last moment, I would retract my words and plead for his arrival. We'd laugh, hang up the phone and repeat the pattern five minutes later. I think he drove through every off-ramp along the way, when I realized he was only minutes from my home. I called in one last effort to honor my commitment. "Where are you?" I asked, both excited and panicked. "A mile away. But I can turn around. Just tell me to turn around and I will." I held my breath and pulled every think-cord taut. (Yes, think-cord. It's a very technical term). I was too late. His car appeared around the corner and my washy resolve was replaced with utter beatification. He threw his car into park, a very sloppy parking job, and his stalwart charge was met by my unrestrained skip. How did I ever expect to go a week without him?
The evening was spent with friends at a lake and, afterward, we enjoyed a late-night burger in the warm summer night. A lake has never looked so beautiful and a burger never tasted so good.
Stellar-Steve was sharing a conversion he had with his boss concerning decisions, and how they serve as the final form of communication. This got me thinking.... I'm disappointed I didn't keep my personal commitment, but my decision tonight was a clear indicator of where my heart stands. My new approach? Simply spend less time with Stellar-Steve, as going without him is unrealistic. As hard as it may be... two or three days a week will have to suffice. Same outcome, better approach.
TODAY'S FOCUS: The old cliche holds true..."Actions speak louder than words." Our decisions, good or bad, are the fruits of our thoughts, a sonogram of the heart and the ultimate instrument of communication. We can talk big, make plans and set goals all day long, but it's the decisions we make that prove our intentions. It's not our words that define us, but our actions.
QUOTE: "Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold - but so does a hard-boiled egg." -Anonymous
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Why are you trying to restrict yourself from seeing Steve? Don and I saw each other almost everyday when we were dating.
ReplyDeleteYeah, why the time away?
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy for you Nat! Things sound good!
I know I know... it's kinda silly. The problem is I love being with the one I love, and I find myself putting things off to prolong our time together. It's not Steve's fault - it's just the way I am. (I did it in marriage too. Anything to spend another 5 minutes together).
ReplyDeleteI guess time away is my attempt to be an adult - so I don't have an accumulated "to-do" list and anxiety to deal with. I figure this will help me keep things in check and do what needs to be done every day.
I'd like to suggest that you find a way to spend time with Steve every day while also keeping the rest of your life in check. :)
ReplyDeleteFinding that balance will bring you much greater happiness than a pattern of relationship binging and fasting.
Hahaha! Well put Mister Dee. Believe it or not, this is me LETTING GO! lol
ReplyDeleteBarry I LOVE LOVE your comment! I think I have to write a post all about that. So logical and spot on.