Today was horrible. Horrible! It was horrible - and it was all my fault. I woke up ready to pick a fight, and pick a fight I did. I thought it would make me feel better. Oh the deceit. You see... for the most part I've taken the high road with my x, but yesterday words were exchanged which festered into a grotesque anger and convinced me that the high road was no longer worth taking. Apparently, I forgot that I'm the beneficiary.
It could have been a great morning. Instead it began with an atrocious altercation which left me feeling confused, small and utterly despondent. What? You didn't think I'm actually strong all of the time, did you? Far from it. Regretfully, I have more than my share of faults, and if I always practiced what I preach life would be quite a different story. Evidently, aligning my actions with my standards is a lifelong quest, and today it took Stellar-Steve to help me do just that. I tried to mask my emotions over the phone, but he heard right through them and minutes later was on his way to my home, taking time off work to assuage my pain. Sadly, I didn't just lean on him today... I toppled over while he held me up, and relied on him for the vision and hope I could not find on my own. I pray I'm never in that place again.
I later called my x and made amends. Was the altercation justified? From my perspective, yes... but that doesn't make it right nor lesson the detriment to healing. Retaliation is empty. I should have been a bigger person, but what's done is done and can't be taken back. Now the road to recovery.
TODAY'S FOCUS: It only takes one moment of carelessness to undo years of carefulness. Be it a harsh word to a spouse, cruelty to a child or dishonesty with a co-worker, people cling tenaciously to the negative and one bad experience will quickly diminish ten good ones. Once damage is done there is only one path to recovery: Time and a good track record.
Be patient, hold your tongue, and resist making an important decision during your worst mood. As the wise Chinese Proverb states, "If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow."
QUOTE: "Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret." -Dr. Laurence J. Peter
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I'm so sorry! I can only imagine the things I'd have to bite my tongue off to NOT say in your situation! The other day I was having such a hard day, and snapped at my 5 year old - he turned to me and asked "Mom, why are you being naughty to me?" Wow. Instant humbling and remorse. Sad that it took my 5 year old to teach me to hold my tongue! Way to go on making amends, though - I may not have been so nice! ;)
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